Because Of You
by Razorfiend
Summary: Bitterly betrayed by the one he loved the most, Ash turned into a shadow of his former self. When his best friend returns after five years, Ash doesn't know what to do. He hates Gary, doesn't he? His heart shouldn't be beating so fast... PALLETSHIPPING
1. Hollow

_The young, raven haired boy smiled. He was looking at his friend, a tall child with auburn hair that nearly covered his vivid green eyes. The dark haired boy was hiding behind a tree and waiting for his friend to notice him. Green eyes pierced brown ones and the tall boy pointed at the one who was hiding._

_"I found you, Ash!"_

_Ash laughed and sped away. His sneakers moved swiftly and silently over the damp morning grass. He heard his breath come out in short bursts of air as he ran as fast as he could go. The sun winked down at him through various shades of emerald leaves. Sweat dripping down his back, lungs crying out for mercy, Ash stopped running._

_He turned back, expecting to see his friend. No one was there. Ash's triumphant smile faded as he stared down the trail he had come from. There was only shadows and greenery. The forest was silent; Pidgeys didn't chirp, nor did Caterpies scuttle noisily across dried earth. Ash didn't feel the sun warming his skin any more._

_"Gary?" he called out, voice wavering. "I give up. You can tag me now."_

_There was no response and the nine, almost ten, year old boy shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. The wind whistled and coiled around his limbs. Ash felt blood pounding in his ears as he stared at the foliage around him. Were those just shadows from the trees, or something more? His stomach clenched and unclenched as anxiety built up in him. He wanted to run away, but he couldn't move his legs; he couldn't feel any part of his body. The monsters had gotten to him. _

_Ash Ketchum began to cry..._

Ash sat bolt upright and let out a ragged gasp. His eyes flickered open and were bathed in darkness. His hands were peachy blobs gripping at the brisk night air, looking for comfort. He snapped to and struggled to silence his heavy breathing.

"Ash?" There came a sleepy murmur from the pink sleeping bag to his far right. A head of messy aqua hair popped up and a girl stared at him.

He looked away from her concerned gaze, hoping she would go back to sleep. That wasn't the case; he heard shuffling sounds and knew Dawn was coming to him. He didn't want that, he honestly didn't. But the thought of someone being there—

She appeared before him, crouched at the foot of his sleeping bag. Her face was rosy with sleep, and her eyes sparkled in the dim light of the moon. She brushed hair back from her face with an impatient swipe. Ash almost smiled; Dawn would regret this in the morning. She hated for him to see her without makeup on.

"What's wrong?" her voice was businesslike as she studied him. "Did you have that...dream again?"

"No."

She stared at him, brow furrowed. He looked away. She thought that he was lying. Ash had lied to her many times before; he lied about little things, he lied about the biggest thing. But he wasn't lying now. He would've argued, but it wouldn't make a difference to him. All the lines between dreams and reality, of fact and fiction, were extremely blurred for Ash Ketchum.

"Go back to sleep." He gave her a diluted smile, hoping to appease her. Dawn looked as if she were either about to cry or slap him.

She stretched out a hand. "You can't keep acting like this, Ash."

"Acting like what?" his tone was unintentionally sharp and she flinched. He ignored her outstretched hand, an offering of friendship to the untrained eye. But Ash knew that she wanted more. People always wanted more.

"Please," she begged, "tell me what's wrong. I could help you. I want to make things okay for you."

"Things are okay." He gazed at the spot above her nose, feigning eye contact. "What isn't okay is the fact that you're talking so loudly. You'll wake up Pikachu." He didn't bother to include Brock; they both knew the guy slept like the dead.

Her tone was accusing. "You're not normal. You have _issues_!"

"Things are okay," he repeated.

She responded by grabbing his shoulders and crushing her lips against his. He flinched but didn't pull away. Dawn thought he was finally accepting her advances and moved her lips more roughly against his. He didn't respond; Ash had shut down. When she realized that he wasn't moving, she pulled away and glared at him with sky blue eyes. Tears trickled down her face as she got up and slowly walked back to her sleeping bag. Ash watched her go, wanting to call her back and explain everything. But as always, the memories wrapped around his vocal cords and cut off his voice. He flung himself unto his back and stared dully up at the sky. He wouldn't be able to get back to sleep that night.

You're not normal, Dawn had said. Maybe now he wasn't, but five years ago he had been. The old ache began to swell in his chest and he shut his eyes tightly. He would not think of that; he would not think of him. The past needed to remain in his dreams, in his nightmares.

The next morning it was eerily quiet during breakfast. Brock tried to make small talk, but Dawn only gave one word answers while Ash didn't respond at all. Brock slammed a can of Pokeblocks down on a log in frustration and they jumped at the sound.

"What's the matter with you two?" he said wearily. "You guys always talk non stop. Better kiss and make up before I make you do it!"

"Kiss and make up, huh?" Dawn murmured, playing with a daisy in her lap. Her head was bowed as she observed the delicate white petals. "I don't think _he _wants to do that."

Ash put his untouched plate to the side. "I do." He turned to face Dawn with a bright smile; he was the polar opposite of what he had been last night. "I'm really sorry about yesterday, Dawn. I just wasn't—"

"It's fine." Dawn sounded surprised by the sudden change in his demeanor. "I guess I was a bit pushy. I didn't mean...the things I said."

"I know."

"Pikachu pi," Pikachu squeaked, bored with the conversation. Ash smiled at the electric mouse and stroked him between the ears.

Brock wrinkled his nose. "Well, that was surprisingly easy." All the lines of concern vanished from his face, leaving it as smooth and tanned as before. "Since things are okay, I have something to tell you guys."

"Yeah?" Dawn popped a berry into her mouth, gaze fixed on Ash. He caught her eye and gave her a charming smile. Her heart fluttered in her chest. The Ash that had been so distant wasn't real. The happy Ash, the smiling Ash, the_ true_ Ash; he would come to love her as she loved him in time, she just knew it.

"Are you paying attention?" Brock snapped, crossing his arms. They both nodded and he gave a loud sigh. "I think that I'm in love!"

"God, Brock!" Dawn rolled her eyes heavenward. "You made it sound so serious. I thought you were going to leave us or something."

"Did you not hear me?" He paused and raised his arms above his head. "I'm in _love_!" A gooey smile crept onto his face and Dawn and Ash exchanged concerned glances. "And it's not with Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny this time, either."

Dawn narrowed her eyes. "Are you stalking this poor girl? Should I be worried?"

"No. She likes me too! I met her online and we're going to meet for lunch today. "

Ash paused midway through stroking Pikachu. "Online?"

"Ugh!" Dawn squealed in mock horror. "Brock, I can't imagine the lies you must've told her! Did you edit your picture or something?"

"For saying that, you'll never eat any of my delicious meals again." Brock pouted and Dawn giggled. "And no, I didn't alter my image. Why would I have to? I'm a handsome young lad."

Ash felt the strange feeling fizz through his veins. Someone else had been handsome, someone that he had trusted. Emerald eyes, auburn hair, that quirky grin...the feel of his hands...the feel of his touch; Ash felt heat flood to his face and he clutched at his stomach, which had begun churning. He was sick and disturbed for thinking such things. He was a horrible person.

"Ash?"

He heard a worried voice; it sounded so far away. Ash squeezed his eyes shut as the repetitions of his name grew fainter and fainter. Everything around him disappeared.

_...Tears rolled down his cheeks as he stood in the clearing. Why had Gary left him here? They were best friends, weren't they? They had promised to stick together, hadn't they? Ash kept his eyes shut. He didn't want to see the shadows of the trees, of the monsters, creeping closer and closer. It felt as if he were sinking into the ground. If he fell far enough, no one would ever find him._

"_Ash?"_

_He didn't open his eyes. He refused to look into the eyes of a demon and see his image reflected there. If he was going to die, he wasn't going to be a sissy. All the other guys already talked about him and thought he was a baby, even though Gary denied that they said those things._

_Hands landed on his shoulders, gentle as butterfly wings. The heat seeped into his bones and his eyelids fluttered open. Gary stared back at him, his face an inch from Ash's. Ash felt a wave of relief wash over his body when he saw that his best friend was there._

_Gary kept his hands on Ash for a moment longer, before yanking them away as if he realized he wasn't acting like a "man."_

"_Come on, Ash," Gary said gruffly. "Let's go to your house. Your mom made cookies, right? I deserve them after spending half my life looking for you."_

_Tears slid down Ash's cheeks and Gary's eyes followed their downward path as if hypnotized. Gary reached out a grubby hand and swiped the drops of salt water away. Ash felt tingles shoot up his spine and he let out a shaky breath._

"_Yeah, my mom made cookies."_

_Gary's hands still cradled his face. Ash avoided the green eyes of his best friend; he was confused about what he felt when he looked into them. He wasn't sure what was happening between them, but Gary was twelve. Gary knew what he was doing, right?_

_Ash felt hot breath near his lips and he stood there, waiting for something he didn't understand. There suddenly came the shouts of boys from nearby and Gary stepped back from Ash nonchalantly. Ash was rooted to the spot, lips slightly parted._

_Gary gave him a friendly shove. "Don't just stand there, you idiot. Let's go!"_

_He began walking forward and Ash followed, thinking nothing would ever make him feel as bewildered as when his best friend's eyes were looking into his..._

**Author's note/warning**: This story is going to contain mature subject matter, so if you can't read "serious" things than you should stop here. Palletshipping is definitely in this(hence the category of Romance), so if the idea of two boys being with each other makes you feel uncomfortable, please move on to more suitable material. I hope you enjoy reading this! I don't own Pokemon in any shape or form.


	2. Numb

Ash woke up and didn't know where he was. He was staring at a white ceiling and the sharp odour of disinfectant invaded his nose. He blinked once, and then jolted to a sitting position. He turned to see Dawn sitting by the bed with a look of surprise on her face.

"Ash!" She tossed her fashion magazine aside and stood up. "You woke up! I'm so glad." She put on a brave smile, trying to blink back her tears.

"I'm fine," he murmured, avoiding her penetrating gaze. "I was just feeling a bit tired—"

Dawn wrapped her arms around his narrow shoulders and hugged him to her chest. He stiffened, his mouth dry. He wanted to push her away; the ringing in his ears had started up again. He smelled the sweet scent of her lotion and gagged.

She pulled away from him. "Ash, are you still feeling bad?"

"I feel great."

Ash swung his legs over the side of the cot and placed his feet on the tile floor. He stood shakily, and Dawn hovered nearby him, ready to catch him if he fell. Ash saw stars but managed to keep himself upright. He wasn't going to give Dawn a chance to hold him like that again. If she did, he would surely cry.

"So, where am I?" He looked around the room, seeing nothing but bare white walls and a few chairs.

Dawn bit her lip. "This was Brock's idea."

"What?"

"You're at a Pokemon center," she explained. "I wanted to take you to a hospital, but Brock said that Nurse Joy would know what to do." Ash was silent and Dawn pressed her hands to her face. "Oh, God. You're mad at me, aren't you? I'm going to _kill_ Brock!"

Ash tugged on his red and black sneakers and faced her with a smile. "That won't be necessary. I just had a...dizzy spell, or whatever. I'm not any harder to treat than a Pokemon."

The door swung open and a pretty pink haired woman strode in briskly. She came to a sudden halt when she saw that her patient was out of bed. Brock narrowly managed to avoid crashing into her; he had been close behind with Pikachu in his muscular arms and hearts in his eyes.

"Young man, what are you doing up?" she said reproachfully. "You fainted. You shouldn't be up until I've allowed it."

"Pika pi!" Pikachu cried, leaping into Ash's arms from Brock's. Ash's vision cleared as he stared down into the shiny button eyes of his friend. Pikachu made contented noises and climbed onto Ash's shoulder.

Nurse Joy sighed. "Well, you caught your Pikachu. So I guess your hand eye coordination is back to normal." She placed her hands on her hips. "But youll still have to let me do a thorough exam on you."

"Nurse Joy, I need to have an exam done too," Brock piped up hopefully. "I have a headache...no, my stomach hurts..."

"Your face will hurt if you keep talking like that," Dawn said brightly. Brock pouted at her and began moping in the corner. "Besides, aren't you supposed to see some girl soon?"

Brock leapt to his feet, grinning broadly. "Yeah, that's right. It's gonna be awesome. My very first girlfriend!" He winked at Dawn. "We're gonna have _lots_ of fun."

"Brock, please don't ever say that again!" Dawn moaned, looking green.

Nurse Joy raised her eyebrows. "Well, this is certainly a more interesting conversation than I've ever heard from Pokemon."

Ash stared at the floor, his heart pounding painfully. Each beat felt as if the organ were trying to break through his chest. He clenched and unclenched his fists as he mind searched desperately for ideas. A physical exam_?_ No, he couldn't possibly allow her to do that. She would know what had happened to him...

"_Gary?" Ash stared at his twelve year old best friend, who was avoiding his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about this before? Tommy just told me today."_

_Ash and Gary were sitting in the former's room. A plate with nothing on it except cookie crumbs lay near them where they sat on the red carpet. The sun had been hidden by grey clouds and the room was growing darker each moment._

"_It's David's party," Gary retorted, picking at the fuzzy pieces that sometimes appeared on the carpet. "That's why you can't come."_

_Ash rocked back onto his heels. "Who says? David never said I couldn't come."_

"_He never said you could, either."_

"_Well, Tommy said my invite got lost in the mail! David wants me to come," Ash said, feeling proud. "So I'm definitely going to his house tonight!"_

_David was the cool kid in their neighbourhood; he had gotten a Pokemon when he was only nine. David was now thirteen and he had quite a collection of rare and unusual Pokemon, all provided by his doting parents. Ash wished his mother would do something like that for him. But then again, Ash was turning ten in month. He didn't have much longer to wait._

_Gary suddenly whirled around and tackled Ash to the floor. Gary sat on Ash's stomach, staring at him with troubled emerald eyes. Ash laughed, thinking this was a joke. But the laughs died in his throat when he saw Gary's stricken expression._

"_Ash, I won't let you go to that party."_

"_Why not?" Ash nearly shouted, glaring at his best friend. "Just 'cause you're older than me you think you get to boss me around! Guess what, I'm sick of it!"_

_Gary's eyes were twin flames. "Ash, I swear—"_

"_Get off me! "_

_His eyes widened when Gary pinned Ash's arms up above his head. Ash was stuck; Gary had full control of him. Ash squirmed unsuccessfully to get away, but Gary still held him there. Ash swore under his breath; Gary was such a control freak._

"_Gary—"Ash tried again._

_It happened suddenly. One moment Gary's face was hovering above Ash's; the next, their lips were pressed together. Ash was too shocked to fight back. Gary's lips caressed his, and Ash didn't know what to do. He closed his eyes and felt his heart speed up. He couldn't believe it; having Gary kiss him actually felt good. Heat flooded to his cheeks at this thought, this horrible thought. Men and women were supposed to be together. Not men and men. Especially not the two of them; they were best friends._

_What they were doing was wrong._

_Ash turned his face away and Gary's kisses ceased. Ash stared at the blood colored carpet; no doubt his face was the same shade. He felt Gary's weight shift off him and his body suddenly felt cold. They both breathed heavily in the dark room._

"_I—"_

_Gary spoke up and Ash felt himself shiver at his voice. He felt Gary's hand land on his shoulder and electricity crackled through his body at the light touch. What was wrong with him? Ash squeezed his eyes closed and spoke two words that would later prove to change everything._

"_Go away!"_

"_I'm really—I—can you..."_

"_Go away," Ash repeated coldly. "I hate you."_

_Ash spoke these words but realized he didn't mean them. He didn't hate Gary, he actually...no, what he wanted was for Gary to stay by his side. To explain why this had happened; to explain why his heart was beating so fast. Things would be okay after they talked._

_But Gary left without another word, and Ash was alone._

"Mr. Ketchum?" came a worried voice. "Can you hear me?"

Ash fell back into the present and looked up. Nurse Joy, Dawn, and Brock were all staring at him, fear in their eyes. He gave a laugh meant only to appease them. There was no pleasure, no happiness, in it at all.

"Sorry about that. I was just thinking about something."

Dawn looked near tears again. "Are you sure? You didn't pass out again?"

"I'm still standing," Ash pointed out, keeping his tone light.

"Yeah, Dawn." Brock gave the worried girl a reassuring look. "Ash isn't a Ponyta. He doesn't sleep on his feet."

Ash felt Nurse Joy's eyes probe his face and he struggled to maintain his smile. She appeared satisfied with what she saw and Ash let out a relieved breath that was heard only by Pikachu, who was still clinging to his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble. I'm sure you have many other sick Pokemon to attend to," Ash said. "We'll be going now." He tossed her another worthless smile and strode out of the room. Brock and Dawn hurried after him.

"Ash, what about your exam?" Dawn exclaimed as the trio left the Pokemon center. "I think that it would help if you got one. Maybe then you'd know why you have those nightmares. Maybe then you'd—"

"Dawn, let's get ice cream, okay?" Brock broke in cheerfully. Ash gave him a grateful look and Brock nodded once. Dawn was annoyed at being cut off, but she was hungry after not eating since breakfast, so she let it slide.

They were standing outside an ice cream shop when Brock let out a cry of alarm.

"My date!" He ran his hands through his hair recklessly. "You guys keep distracting me. I need to go meet Julia now! See you guys back at the campsite later!"

"You're the one who suggested ice cream," Dawn pointed out. But Brock was already long gone. The two of them stood in silence; Brock had always kept the atmosphere tolerable with his antics and jokes. Now the air around them was heavy and muggy, as if a hurricane were coming.

"So, what kind do you want?" Dawn asked, turning to Ash.

"Pika pi pika," Pikachu answered, licking his lips with a tiny scarlet tongue.

Dawn giggled. "Yeah, I know you want cookie dough. I was talking to Ash." She stared at the raven haired boy expectantly.

"I don't want ice cream."

"You haven't eaten since breakfast. You must be starving!"

Ash shrugged, unwilling to point out that he hadn't even finished his breakfast that morning. In fact, Ash had hardly eaten anything for the past week. That was probably why he had fainted. But how could he eat when tomorrow was the fifth anniversary of that dirty, disgusting...

Dawn tugged at the ends her navy hair with unmasked frustration and blurted, "Ash, you're going to eat some fucking ice cream if I have to shove it down your throat!"

"You swore," he replied coolly. A smile crept onto his lips. "Hypocrite much?"

"Argh!" She gave a little scream and threw her hands up. "I can't believe that I actually kissed you yesterday. What was I thinking? You know, Ash, when I first met you I thought something was weird, but I never imagined that you were an anorexic!" Dawn continued to ramble and didnt notice that Ash had vanished until he appeared in front of her, carrying two ice cream cones.

He gave her a half smile, his hazel eyes sparkling. "It's Bubble gum. Dont ask me how I know that it's your favourite flavour. I want you to think that I have mysterious abilities."

Dawn's anger faded and she fell in love with him all over again. This boy was going to drive her crazy with his unpredictable behaviour, but maybe that was why she liked him. She took the ice cream with a thanks and felt giddy when she saw that Ash was watching her eat it. He actually knew the things she liked; he didn't totally ignore her after all. Pikachu happily scarfed down his ice cream as well, getting white stains on his cheeks.

Ash stared up at the sky, the emptiness in his chest larger after watching Dawn eat ice cream. He liked her, he really did. But he wanted to be eating ice cream with someone else. He wanted to be somewhere else.

Ash wished that he had never been born, as he had done so many times in the past. Maybe then he wouldn't feel the numbness taking over him; maybe then he wouldnt lose himself, bit by bit, each day. If he had to live, he wanted to change everything. Little did he know his chance would be coming that night...


	3. Shock

Dawn watched Ash stare at the sky and her stomach began to hurt. She licked her ice cream quickly, hoping that the coolness would ease the pain. Looking at Ash always made her feel as if she were an ignorant child, even though she was fourteen. His eyes were always so unreadable; his smiles came a little bit too quickly to be real. Any time she tried to speak to him about his problems, he denied that he had any. She knew that Ash was hurting, but she didn't know why. Could she ever know, or would the secrets remained locked in his heart forever?

"Dawn." Ash pointed at her hand. "The ice cream's melting."

"Oh, right." Dawn gave a little laugh and hurriedly grabbed a napkin from a nearby table. She swiped at her hand, transferring the pink and blue goo to the white cloth. "I'm such an airhead!"

"Pika," Pikachu agreed with Dawn's self-derogatory comment, shooting her a smug look.

The electric Pokemon had always behaved in a jealous manner toward Dawn, which freaked her out. She was pretty sure Pikachu loved Ash in a romantic way and didn't want Dawn to get close to him. Dawn glared back, determination bright in her eyes. Well, she wasn't going to give up. She definitely wasn't going to lose the battle of Ash's heart to a Pokemon!

She cleaned herself up and tossed the remainder of her ice cream in the trash. She loved bubble gum ice cream, but today it had been just a little too sweet. Her teeth practically throbbed from all the sugar. Dawn shot a nervous glance at Ash, hoping he wasn't mad that she had wasted his money by not finishing the cone. She didn't need to have worried; he was staring off into space again.

"So," Dawn piped up cheerfully, "since we have the whole afternoon to ourselves, what do you want to do?"

"I'm pretty tired," Ash said.

"Well, we haven't done anything for weeks besides Pokemon battles or Pokemon contests. We should have some fun. Do some shopping, take in the sights!"

"I don't like shopping," Ash replied.

"Don't you need new Pokeballs or something?" Dawn pressed. "How about some new shoes? You've had those," she nodded to the ratty sneakers on his feet, "for ages."

Ash observed his feet. "I like them. I don't think you should throw away old things just to get something new, especially if the old things still work okay."

"Well, I need some new shirts," Dawn breezed on, pretending she hadn't heard his comment. "They have some cute shops over there. Let's go!" She started forward but stopped when she felt a chilly breeze nip at her bare legs. She turned back to see Ash standing there, watching her leave.

"Bye, Dawn." He gave her a little wave. Pikachu mimicked the wave with great enthusiasm.

She crossed her arms. "You're seriously going to let me go shopping alone? What kind of friend are you?"

Dawn saw men, women, and children strolling through the plaza with grins on their faces and bags laden with treasures out of the corner of her eyes. She saw how couples snuggled close together as they walked, seeming unaffected by the biting wind. And then there was her and Ash; two friends who were standing what seemed like miles apart. The wind was extra cold for her at that moment. She had never felt so alone in her life.

"Ash?" she said his name pleadingly, but the boy she loved didn't respond at all. Ash merely gazed at her with faint amusement in his eyes.

"Show me the stuff you buy later, okay? I'll be at the campsite," he called.

He turned and Dawn stared at his retreating back. Each step he took away from her sliced her heart. She gritted her teeth and walked into the nearest store. It would take a lot of cute clothes for her to keep her from bawling like a baby.

Dawn browsed through the racks and the familiar feel of cloth slipping through her fingers made her feel at ease. She managed to block all thoughts of Ash out of her head as she observed price tags and qualities of clothing. The store was tiny with a faint musty smell, but Dawn loved it. People came up to her often and chatted about their lives, but she wasn't as friendly as usual. Dawn was on a mission, and that mission was to fill the holes in her heart with the best clothes money could buy.

Ash pulled his hat down to cover his eyes as he quickly walked out of the small city. No, it was more of a town than a city, but it was pretty modern. He could feel the probing eyes of people on him as he passed them and his shame grew. They all knew what had happened five years ago. There was a sign on him, branding him as different. He couldn't see it but it was there; if it wasn't, why did they all focus their scornful looks on him? It would be impossible for him to live a normal life under a public microscope.

He brushed at his eyes half heartedly, hoping to feel moisture. There was none; his eyes were dry as usual. Even in his moments of greatest agony, his eyes were never wet with tears. Emotions weren't real; they were invented, like everything else in this world.

You cried five years ago, he reminded himself. You cried like a little bitch then. A breath caught in his throat and Ash crumpled into a sitting position underneath a large tree on the outskirts of the city. Pikachu pressed a warm cheek against his, but Ash gently pushed the Pokemon away. He heard Pikachu give a squeak of indignation but couldn't bring himself to apologize. He buried his face in his arms, listening to the humming sound of Butterfree and Beedrill.

His eyes began to close. He was so tired...

Dawn was in her fifth store, humming to herself as she glanced at a slinky red V-neck shirt. She wondered what Ash would think if she returned wearing it, then cursed herself for allowing thoughts of him enter her mind. She shoved the shirt aside furiously. Who cared what Ash thought? He probably wouldn't give a damn if she paraded in front of him naked. She was in the mood to do just that, but there was no way in hell that she would if Brock would see her.

"You're an idiot," she muttered aloud.

"Sorry," said a low voice. "I don't know what I did, but I apologize."

Dawn came face to face with a boy who looked as if he should be working the runways in Johto. His face was chiselled and his eyes were bright green flames. His auburn hair hung to his neck and was spiked up in the front. Muscles were visible through his thin purple shirt, and a necklace of a Pokeball hung halfway down his chest.

"Y-you didn't do anything," Dawn sputtered. She cleared her throat and stood up straight. "I was just—"

"Just talking to yourself?" The boy's tone was serious but his eyes were playful.

Dawn nodded. "Yeah, that's right. You have a problem with that?"

"Maybe." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "So, what's on your mind? You seem like a down to earth girl. What's led you to share your thoughts with the world?"

"I'm just feeling kind of blue," Dawn confessed, rubbing a silk pair of pants between her fingers. "Both of my friends have ditched me."

"That's a shame." The boy stared at her, revealing pointy teeth when he suddenly smiled. "I would never leave a pretty girl all alone. There are bad people in this world."

She blushed. "Are you a bad person?"

" Want to find out?" He reached out a hand and delicately played with the ends of her navy hair.

"What are you doing?"

He held up a piece of black thread. "This was stuck in your hair." He raised his eyebrows. "What did you think I was doing?"

"Nothing." She shook her head. "So, I'm Dawn. Nice to meet you."

He held out his hand and they shook.

"I'm Gary Oak."

_Ash felt excitement course through his veins as David's house appeared in his sight. The white house was brand new, and the yard was trimmed and kept in perfect condition. The sky was beginning to darken as evening approached; Ash had never been alone at night before. He had never been to a popular kid's party before. But today he was doing both!_

_The door swung open when he knocked and a slim woman with blonde hair answered it. She looked him up and down, before smiling._

_"You're Ash Ketchum, aren't you? I went to school with your mother many years back." Her laugh was a delicate chime of bells. "Do come in. David's very excited to see you."_

_"He is?" Ash asked incredulously as he followed her into the elegantly. He could hear noise and laughter coming from somewhere in the house._

_"Yes. He seemed very eager to have you come to this party." The woman's voice sounded a little troubled as she stopped in front of the door that led down into the basement. "He's never mentioned you until today..."_

_Ash gave her a quick thanks, not listening as he catapulted down the cement stairs. At the bottom he saw groups of kids huddled together. There was a long table laden with food along a wall, and a heavy rock beat was thudding throughout the room. A TV and video games were set up in one corner. Ash grinned from ear to ear; he was going to have a night to remember!_

_"Hey," David said, sidling up to him. "You made it!"_

_Ash shrugged. "Yeah, I had some other party to go to, but I chose yours."_

_"Right, right," David laughed. He held out a cup of unidentifiable green liquid and Ash took it. "Don't look so scared. It's just punch." Ash took a sip and David watched. "You know, I could've gotten beer, but I didn't want to."_

_"Cool," Ash responded, trying not to sound impressed. He took another sip of the green drink. It was good, but there was a weird underlying taste. He gulped some more down; it was definitely slightly bitter. _

_David punched Ash in the shoulder. "So, I have something to show you! I've never shown anyone before. You're the first. "_

_"Really?" Ash couldn't hide his admiration; this thirteen year old cool kid liked him! His smile faded when he realized that Gary wasn't there. "Wait, before you do, can I ask you something?"_

_"What?" David was filling up Ash's cup. Ash hadn't realized that he had finished his drink. Maybe he was really thirsty from all the excitement._

_Ash chugged down half the cup in one gulp. "Is G...Ga..." a wave of dizziness washed over him and he used the wall to hold himself up. "Is Gary here?"_

_"Sure he is." David had a wide smile on his face. "In fact, he's outside. He's part of the surprise that I have for you."_

_"I thought he was mad at me," Ash said as he followed David back up the stairs. They walked out into the cool evening air. "We h...had a fight." Ash laughed as he finished his drink. Had those dancing rainbow flowers always grown in the woods outside David's house?_

_David nudged Ash into a sitting position._

_"Gary's not mad. He planned this whole thing for you. You know, as a way of saying sorry."_

_Ash sighed with relief. "That's—"_

_Everything went black and Ash didn't hear what David was saying. When he came to, he was lying face down on the grass. He heard hushed voices and giggles all around him. He could feel the cool grass brush between his legs and realized he wasn't wearing pants. His head throbbed, knives of pain boring into his brain._

_"Gary?" Ash croaked. His throat was so dry. "What are—"_

_He raised his head; this caused stars to explode before him. He moaned and his vision cleared just in time to see a hand adorned with a silver cuff bracelet slam his face back down into the ground. Ash heard laughter but it sounded distant. His heart pounded in his chest as visions of the bracelet, adorned with a ruby Pokeball, flashed in his mind._

_Ash had given that bracelet to Gary for his twelfth birthday. Gary had sworn that he would never take it off, since it was a symbol of their friendship. Gary was here; Gary had smashed his face down into the dirt. Ash felt tears pool in his eyes._

_He felt someone kneel onto the back of his thighs and alarm bells rang in his head. He was naked from the waist down. Why was he..._

_Ash heard mocking laughter and a voice said, "That's it. That pussy deserves this."_

_"Stupid faggot," another boy jeered._

_"Don't forget, we all get a turn!"_

_Ash realized what was happening just in time to try to struggle away. But it was to no avail. Hundreds of arms seemed to pin him to the ground. A pair of them were...a pair of them belonged to..._

_He screamed as the blunt pain invaded him from behind. He continued screaming, drowning out the sound of the moans and cruel laughs in the back ground. He cried and screamed and pleaded until he was hoarse, but no one paid any attention to him. They just laughed and whispered._

_Mercifully, his mind became numb and detached to it all and Ash opened his eyes to see dirt. He could feel what they were doing, but it seemed so surreal. All he knew before he faded away to nothingness was that Gary was responsible for all this._

_His best friend had hurt him in the worst way possible and he had laughed._

Ash came to, sweat trickling down his back. Pikachu was sleeping beside him, oblivious to the horror on his face. Ash breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down.

It'sokayit'sokayit'sokaygodit'sokay, he chanted to himself over and over. He tasted dirt in his mouth and knew somewhere deep in his mind that it wasn't rational to think that, but right now he was so afraid. Right now they were all hurting him again, Right now he was dirty.

He bit his knuckle unconsciously until he drew blood. The pain zapped him awake and he stared at his bloody hand. He had something to distract him now and he stumbled to his feet. Pikachu woke up sleepily and followed as Ash ran haphazardly through the woods. He needed to get to the campsite...he needed to get bandages...if he got bandages everything would be...

"Ash!" Dawn cried as he came into view. Her happy voice grew concerned as she got up and ran to him, seeing blood dripping onto the ground. "Oh my god, Ash, what happened?"

"Nothing," Ash replied, surprised at how calm he sounded. "I just fell."

Dawn turned away from him and shouted, "Get bandages! They're in the red bag by that big pine tree!"

Relief washed over Ash. Everything was going to be fine. The blood would go away and they would be worried about him, but he could handle it. He always did. He never showed them his fear. He couldn't bear to.

"Brock will help me, don't worry."

Dawn held his hand up to her face and examined it. "Brock's not back yet."

"Then who—"

"I got the bandages!" Gary appeared from out of the shadows. The dancing flames of the fire lit up his face. "What happened?"

Ash stared at him in disbelief. This wasn't real. He was dreaming. The guy he was looking at wasn't who he thought. The guy he was looking at was similar looking, sure, but he was taller and his eyes were greener...

"Thanks, Gary," Dawn said, taking the bandages. "I don't know what I would do if you—"She screamed as Ash crumpled to the ground, his fear sucked up by the forgiving darkness of unconsciousness.

**A/N: This story is really close to my heart. I don't...I just don't know. If I write a million more stories, I'll always remember this one. Thank you so much to **K. A. Pryde** for being my first reviewer! -bows- If any one else has the time, I'd love to know what you think, so go ahead and review! I don't bite. Gary's finally in the story, so things should really progress from here on out. I hope you guys stay with me for the long run!**


	4. Fear

Ash never wanted to leave his black cocoon. Inside the darkness, he was safe. Nothing could hurt him; there were no concerned stares or cruel comments. There was only his body, wrapped snugly in the comforting nothingness. He wanted to stay there more than he had wanted anything. Even if it meant vanishing from the world of living; even if he had to disappear forever, he would do it. He would give it all up in order to shield himself from those electric emerald eyes...

He nearly cried when he saw light filter through his closed eyelids. He hadn't died in his sleep; he was still breathing in the world of the damned. He shifted his body slightly, breathing as quietly as he could. If no one knew he was awake, maybe he could make a run for it. He bit his lip, whimpering as he pulled his injured hand out from underneath his stomach.

Ash opened his eyes and stared at the blood stained bandages. His breathing grew shallow. The last thing he remembered was...he closed his eyes for a brief moment. No. That had been a hallucination. The bandages glowed white in the light of the rising sun. Trembling, he stroked the bloodstained areas with his good hand. Who had wrapped the cloth around his wound? Whose hands had held his in the middle of the night, when he wasn't awake to realize it?

Fear gripped him and wouldn't let go. He sat up slowly and looked around. There was nothing but looming trees, logs, dirt, and rocks. Oh, and two bodies sleeping around the remains of a fire that had long gone cold. Pikachu was sleeping on a log as far away from Ash as possible. Ash wasn't in the right state of mind to wonder why.

His eyes flickered from head to head: Navy hair, check. That was Dawn. His gaze lingered on her for a while. She had probably been up half the night worrying about him. He wished that he could be normal for her; she was always treated him as if her were a prince, when he was the furthest thing from royalty that anyone could be. Ash swiped at his shoulders, knowing nothing was there. But that didn't stop him from feeling the dirt. He always felt so dirty.

The second head was covered with the most fascinating hair Ash had ever seen. It was brown, but glinted red in the milky glow of the sun. Ash had the strange urge to get up and touch it. He just knew that it would be even more dazzling when the sun was higher in the sky. Brock's hair was...

His half lidded eyes sprung open. That wasn't Brock's hair. He stood up shakily, walking barefoot to where the boy lay. He wanted to run; he needed t run. But his heart ignored his brain. Ash wanted to see for himself what he had lost all those years ago. His feet padded softly on the luscious grass of summer, making no audible sound. To human ears, at least; Pikachu had woken up and was sitting on his haunches. His amber eyes were concerned as they looked from Ash to the new boy.

"Pika?" the Pokemon squeaked softly.

Ash ignored him.

He stood over the boy and took in the sight. The boy's face was pale, as if it had never seen the sun. His cheekbones were prominent, giving him a look of someone who hadn't eaten for many weeks. His lips were full but soft, a delicate red, and slightly parted in sleep. He lay on his side; Ash followed the lean lines of his body as they disappeared beneath the white sleeping bag. Ash felt himself shudder, not with disgust, but with pleasure. Guilt flooded him. So it was true, even after all these years. His heart was still disgusting, clinging to the red haired boy with ferocious tenacity.

Ash wanted to tear his eyes away. He wanted to pull out the nails that were hammered into his feet and find someplace safe to go to. But he couldn't. The past lay right in front of him and on the most fitting day too.

It was five years ago exactly that the boy, who slept so innocently, had betrayed him.

"Pika pi pika," Pikachu complained loudly, materializing beside Ash.

Ash made a move to silence the electric mouse, but it was too late. The boy's eyes snapped open and Ash's stomach twisted while his heart simultaneously throbbed with excitement. Green eyes pierced hazel ones and Ash was frozen in time.

"You're awake," Gary said, voice raspy with sleep. He wasn't scared by Ash hovering up above him like a predator. "How's your hand?"

Ash opened and closed his mouth, a Goldeen gasping for air where there was none to be found.

Gary got to his feet, looming a few inches above him. Ash's legs turned to jelly and he forced himself to stay standing. But needles of alarm pierced him everywhere; he couldn't breathe, much less concentrate on keeping an upright position.

"Whoa," Gary caught him by the arm before he fell. "You don't seem to be doing too well." His large hand enveloped Ash's injured one and he observed it. "These bandages need to be changed."

Delirious, Ash kept his gaze fixed on their intertwined hands. This was just a dream. This was just a nightmare. He was still sleeping; he was still in his safe, dark place. But the boy's hand was so solid in his own...

"Ash?" Gary questioned. "I'll change your bandages, okay? Dawn's still sleeping. She did them for you last night, but I think I can manage." He smiled at Pikachu, who was hiding behind Ash's legs. "Don't be scared. Everything's fine. Your trainer just has a fever."

Ash couldn't help but gasp as the cool hand brushed against his forehead. He had a fever? Of course; this made the hallucinations even more plausible. Gary wasn't actually there taking care of him; Gary was far, far away, ruining the lives of other people.

"You're really hot," Gary commented, jerking back at the scorching burn of Ash's forehead. "Your hand might be infected. I'm no doctor, but my Grandpa..." Gary led Ash to a grassy patch and settled him down. "My Grandpa's a Pokemon professor in Kanto, and he taught me some stuff."

Ash was no stranger to Gary hallucinations, but the Gary in them was always more frightening than the one he was presently experiencing. This one wasn't forcing him to...wasn't taking off his clothes...wasn't kissing him...

He gave a startled cry, dreamy thoughts vanished instantaneously. He gave the boy a hard shove and he stumbled backwards, Ash's dirty bandages clutched in one hand.

"Get away from me," he hissed, trying to force his fear back into his mind.

"Ash," Gary said testily, "I'm just trying to help."

Ash swung his head around and picked up the first thing he saw: a large grey stone shaped like a half moon. He wrapped his fingers around it and held it above his head.

"You better fucking stay away from me, Gary!"

"No," Gary said simply.

"Stay away!" Ash repeated, voice rising in his panic.

It was going to happen again. Oh god, how many more times was he going to be forced to eat dirt? How many more times would he have to go through with the pain, the shame, the fear? Why did Gary feel the need to destroy him over and over again? Ash's childhood had been snatched away in one moment. He didn't think that he would be able to go through that horror again.

Dawn barged in between them, clad in a long coral nightshirt. Her hair stood up with static around her face. "What the hell are you guys doing?" She marched up to Ash and knocked the rock out of his hand. "Goddamnit, Ash! Are you crazy?" She took his shoulders and shook him roughly. "Are you crazy? Huh? What in God's name—"

"That's enough," Gary said, pulling Dawn off of Ash. "He's not thinking straight. He has a fever."

Dawn continued glaring at Ash. Her body shook with rage and fear.

"Gary, you don't know him! Ash isn't...oh, God! He isn't _ normal_. He could've just snapped!"

"He does know me!" Ash screamed. "Gary knows me!"

Dawn looked at Gary, who shook his head.

"I don't know you, Ash. Sorry, but—"

Ash turned away, bile rising in his throat. "You do." His voice broke on the last word; he tasted acid in his mouth. "Don't fucking lie."

The sun was shining merrily on them, illuminating the campsite with its rays of light. Pokemon were beginning to awaken, filling the air with their murmurs and cries. Water could be heard rushing in a stream nearby.

Dawn wrapped her arm around Ash's shoulders. "Listen. I think you need to go to a hospital. I don't want you to go, you know I don't, but—"

"No." Ash tore away from her viciously. "I don't have to do anything. I'm staying here. I'm staying here and I'm going to travel with Pikachu. I'm going to..." his voice trailed off when Dawn burst into tears. He stared at her, expressionless. "Dawn?"

She swiped at her eyes. "I can't take this much longer. You could hurt yourself or someone else. You tried to kill Gary just now! He never did anything to you! How can I feel safe with you here?"

_He never did anything to you!_ Ash couldn't help it; her comment was so contrary to the truth that a smile appeared on his lips. She saw it and she cried even more. He looked up and saw Gary staring at him. He sneered at his old best friend; that was the only thing he could find in himself to do. What he really wanted was to hold Gary close to his chest and never let go, but he wouldn't allow himself to. The victim couldn't love the perpetrator of the crime; that was sheer madness.

Besides, Gary had denied knowing him. His best friend had betrayed him again.

"Look," Gary said suddenly. "Dawn, you don't need to go into hysterics. Your friend is just sick right now. Once the fever breaks, I'm sure he won't even remember all this. Just let me change his bandages and let him sleep. Everything will be fine then."

"Will it?" Dawn whimpered."Gary, you don't know him. What if he kills—"

Pikachu bit her calf and she let out a squeal of pain. She stared down at the Pokemon, who was glaring at her with loyalty burning in his eyes. _Don't mess with Ash_, he seemed to say. _He's my friend_. _He's_ yours _too_.

"Pikachu!" Ash knelt down and grabbed him. He stood up and faced Dawn. "I'm sorry. I'm so—"

"It's fine." Dawn said through set lips."Isn't that what you always say?" She turned on her heel and marched back to her sleeping bag.

The air was heavy and tense where she had been standing. Gary tilted his head towards the direction of the river.

"Time to clean up your hand. It's started bleeding again."

Ash stared down at the raw, festering sore on his knuckles. The pain struck him suddenly and he was blinded by it. He staggered forward and Gary caught him, wrapping his arms around his back.

"I know you're a good kid," Gary whispered into Ash's raven hair.

Ash's heart pounded loudly in his chest as he felt heat radiating from Gary into him. Tingles fizzled from where Gary's hands were on his lower back. The traitor was holding him so sweetly; Ash could almost imagine that they were just a couple in love.

But they weren't. Ash's mind was warped from the what had happened five years ago. Ash refused to entertain his sick fantasies and pulled away from Gary, who released him without a struggle.

"You know me," Ash whispered. "Why are you lying?"

Gary didn't respond and Ash had no choice but to follow him to the river. His head ached with memories from the past and he was more frightened than he had ever been in his life. If Gary was telling the truth and really didn't remember him, what did that mean to Ash? Was he so forgettable? Was Gary that insane?

Ash didn't want to believe it, but the sickness in his gut came from the realization that Gary's mysterious denial of knowing who he was, well, that hurt Ash more than he could have ever imagined...

**A/N: Was this too...dark? Too OOC? I hope not. :/ Please leave a review and tell me your thoughts; I would love to hear them. I need to know if this story is completely crazy or slightly good. Yeah, I tend to doubt myself a lot. But that's the way I improve. I know I'll never get better if I don't get feedback! Thanks to all my reviewers thus far, you guys are amazing! Please continue reading!**


	5. Sick

Ash watched Gary soak his bloody bandages in the river. The water was so clear that he could see the pebbles at the bottom. Countless Goldeen and Magikarp swam by, flicking their fins as they journeyed to an unknown destination. The blood from the cloth seeped into the running water, staining it red. Ash was relieved when fresh currents whisked the dirty water away.

"Does it hurt?" Gary asked without turning around. His large hands wrung the bandages and drops of extra water trickled out onto the parched earth.

Ash blinked; his face felt as if it were burning. He really did have a fever. Gary had been right, as usual. Gary stood up and faced him. Ash wasn't scared; his mind had become pleasantly fuzzy in the last few minutes. Being ill had some advantages. With the mood he was in, he couldn't quite remember why he had been so afraid of the auburn haired boy before him.

Gary smiled wryly at him. "You look drunk."

"I'm not. _Really_," Ash insisted. His head began to throb and he massaged at his temples, trying to get himself to concentrate.

"I know."

Gary took a step closer to him and Ash stepped back. Somewhere in the corner of his mind he knew that Gary was a bad person. He did it as an automatic reflex; Gary had haunted his dreams for so long that avoiding him was a specialty Ash knew all too well.

"Does it hurt?" Gary repeated.

Ash followed the green eyes until his own brown ones came to rest on his hand. Ash stared at his injury, vaguely remembering gnawing on his knuckle. His stomach churned and he swallowed loudly. He wasn't about to throw up in front of this guy.

Gary waved a hand in front of the younger boy's face. "Can you hear me, Ash?" A worried line appeared on his forehead. "I thought you just had a fever, but you could be worse off than that."

"I can hear you," Ash muttered. "It doesn't...hurt."

His eyes shot open when he remembered. He shivered when he saw Gary's hand reaching for his own and pulled away. Confusion swirled on Gary's face as he saw the new expression in Ash's eyes. More accurately, it was the one that had been there before the fever had made him let his guard down. Ash couldn't believe that he had forgotten his fear. For a moment, he had felt okay.

"Please," Ash spoke through chattering teeth, "don't touch—" his voice trailed off when he realized that Gary already had Ash's hand in his. He had been so gentle that Ash hadn't noticed. Ash shook his arm, trying to get it out of Gary's grip. But the fever had weakened his muscles; all he could manage was a limp shake.

Gary led Ash to the river by his hand, Ash struggling feebly all the while. Gary placed his hands on the younger boy's shoulders and stared him right in the eye.

"I won't hurt you," Gary said slowly. "I promise."

Ash sat in a cross legged position, his head spinning. He closed his eyes, refusing to look Gary in the face. He would just have to accept whatever was going to happen. His stomach seized up again and he coughed, mouth filling with bile. He swallowed the bitter taste, breathing raggedly.

The gentle hands held Ash's and he felt warmth shoot through his veins. This was crazy. His attacker was now being so sweet and loving. Gary fucking Oak was taking care of him! He would have laughed but he had to choke down another wave of nausea.

"This might sting a bit," Gary warned.

Ash yelped as his hand began to throb with a pain worse than the stings of a hundred Beedrill. His wounded hand felt as if had been invaded with Weedle that were trying to bore their way out of his flesh.

"What the hell was that?" Ash demanded. He launched into a coughing fit and Gary knelt beside him, holding him up by the shoulders. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"That was medicine to cure the infection in your hand."

"Oh."

Ash became aware of Gary's arm around his shoulders and his chest felt as if it were full of icy water. His heart pounded loudly in his ears and he let out a soft moan. He was so scared, but at the same time he wanted this. He liked the feel of something solid holding him up.

Gary removed his arm from around Ash and stared at him. "Are you going to puke?" He helped Ash to his feet and led him to a patch of berry bushes. "Do it in there, if you have—"Gary hadn't finished speaking when Ash threw up into the bushes. Gary stayed with him all the while, supporting Ash and keeping him from falling face down into his own vomit.

Ash heaved until his head spun. When he felt as if all the fluids in his body had been drained out of him, Gary gently led him back to the campsite. As they walked, Ash's shame grew. He was so disgusting. Gary probably thought he was even more horrible after witnessing him upchuck a dozen different colors into the summer foliage. It was even worse that he was ashamed because of Gary Oak. He had no reason to be; Gary was the one who should be feeling worthless.

Ash crawled into his sleeping bag, mumbling random words as his delusions grew. Gary's green eyes glimmered with something unidentifiable as he watched Ash fumble into a position of lying on his side. The boy's face was pale after his vomiting attack and his hazel eyes were tired.

"Go to sleep," Gary whispered. "Sweet dreams." He got up from his position crouched beside Ash, but the boy shot out a hand and grabbed Gary's shirt. Gary frowned quizzically as he observed his shirt in Ash's clenched fist.

"Ash?"

Ash had one arm flung over his face, hiding his eyes. "Don't go."

"You must be really sick now," Gary joked. "You were desperate for me to leave a minute ago. Remember?"

Ash's grip loosened as he suddenly fell asleep and Gary managed to pull free. He stood up and looked down at Ash, feeling something akin to fondness growing inside him. Sure, Ash Ketchum was a little strange, what with screaming at him to leave and insisting that Gary knew the boy, but he was sick. It was perfectly understandable that he would suffer from hallucinations until his fever broke.

"Is he sleeping?" came Dawn's detached voice.

Gary turned to look at the girl. She was completely different from how she had been earlier. Her hair was neatly brushed and her make up was carefully applied. She looked extremely pretty and polished; there was no sign of the fear that had taken her over before. "Yeah." Gary nodded towards the portable stove. "Are you hungry? I could make something."

Dawn followed at his heels as he strode towards the stove. Pikachu trailed behind them dejectedly, having left his position of surveying the area in a tree. The Pokemon shot Ash a pining glance before hopping up onto a stone, where he promptly curled up for a nap. In the midst of Gary making eggs, Dawn spoke up. Her voice was hollow.

"Brock isn't coming back."

Gary stirred the eggs. "I don't know who that is."

"Right." She laughed weakly, crossing her legs as she perched on a log. "He's a guy who was travelling with me and...Ash. He left to meet some girl yesterday and he never came back here." She bit her lip. "I got a message on my PokeNav just now and he said that he's gonna be staying at his new girlfriend's house this summer." Her voice broke and she buried her face in her knees.

"Aren't you happy for him?"

Dawn's head shot up. "Well, of course I am. He always wanted something like this." She smiled wistfully. "Living with a girl is his dream come true."

"Then you shouldn't feel so bad. " Gary shrugged as he sprinkled salt and pepper into the eggs. "I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you."

"I guess. But he could've at least come to say goodbye in person," Dawn huffed, tears forgotten. "He could've made us a farewell dinner or something. His food was really good!"

Gary smiled and handed her a plate of eggs.

"I hope I can live up to his legendary standards."

"You can," Dawn replied after taking a bite. "This is great! When did you learn how to cook like this?"

"I've been travelling on my own for years now," Gary said matter-of-factly. "I didn't have anyone to do anything for me, so I learned to rely on myself."

Dawn paused, midway between forkfuls of food. She shot a glance at Ash, then averted her gaze quickly. "Ash needs to learn how to do that." She chomped on a mouthful of egg. "I don't want to watch over him all the time. That boy has _so_ many mood swings, it's not even funny!"

"He's always like this?"

"Yeah," Dawn replied, brows furrowed. "Sometimes he's really cheerful, then at others he just gets all depressed. He even has these nightmares where he wakes up screaming." Dawn fiddled with the hem of her skirt. "Whenever I ask him what's wrong, he doesn't tell me. Oh yeah, he always says that 'everything's fine' when it so clearly isn't!"

"There are some things you just can't tell people," Gary said softly, eyes fixed on Ash's sleeping form.

Dawn blinked. "I guess. But I don't know what those things would be. I tell Ash _everything_," she said emphatically, throwing her arms out to the sides.

"Everything?"

Dawn's cheeks flamed up. "Well, maybe not _every_thing..."

Gary didn't say a sword, he merely grinned as he cleared up the breakfast dishes. The sky was bright and a porcelain blue; the air was heavy with the scent of summer flowers. It was the perfect day to go on an adventure and Gary intended to do just that.

"Well, it's been great getting to know you, but I really must leave now."

Dawn jumped to her feet. "What? But we've only known each other for like, a day!" She pressed her hands together in a pleading motion. "You can't leave! You just can't!"

"You're making me feel guilty."

"Good!" Dawn snapped. She crossed her arms and turned her back to him. "If you're really planning to leave a girl alone with someone as unpredictable as Ash, then you must be totally insane!"

They both turned to stare at the raven haired boy, who saw snoring softly, arms and legs sprawled out from his unzipped sleeping bag.

"He's completely innocent," Gary proclaimed. "He's just a kid."

"You know that's not true," Dawn retorted. "That guy has a lot of baggage. If you have any feelings whatsoever you wouldn't leave! You'd at least stay for a little while to make sure that Ash isn't going to crack again."

"Blackmailing is very attractive in a woman." Gary grinned at her. "I like that."

"Whatever," Dawn said, secretly pleased. Ash certainly never doled out the compliments, even if they were veiled insults. "So, will you stay?"

There was a long pause before Gary finally spoke.

"Are you sure that he wouldn't mind?"

"Ash? He won't care."

"He's terrified of me," Gary pointed out. "He thinks I'm out to get him for some reason. I don't even _know_ him."

Dawn hesitated for a brief moment before shaking her head. "It'll be fine, Gary. Ash just goes a little crazy at times and sure, it pisses me off and freaks me out, but he won't be an asshole to you. I swear."

Gary's gaze drifted back to where Ash was. Gary was usually quite apathetic towards people, but this person intrigued him. He was really kind of cute, in a way. Gary forced those thoughts out of his mind as quickly as they had come. He didn't want to be getting any weird ideas.

"I'll stay."

Dawn squealed and hugged him, and Gary happily obliged. But his green eyes weren't focussed on hers; they were fixed on the boy who lay sleeping so soundly behind them. Ash Ketchum, huh? It was funny how that name made him shiver just the slightest bit.

**A/N: This chapter was less on angst (it was, right?) and more on...non..angst? Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed break from all the darkness! This story is challenging to write but that's how I like it. A huge thanks to my reviewers, you're all super special! :D I'd love to have your continued support as this story goes on.**


	6. Tears

When Ash woke up his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, which was extremely dry. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes, wincing at the stiffness in his shoulders. He slowly turned and saw that Dawn and _that guy_ were unconscious in their respective sleeping bags. A tremor raced through him but he managed to suppress it. He stared down at his hands and was glad when they stopped shaking. A thought flitted into his mind: had he been asleep for the whole day? The urge of nature that he felt in response overwhelmed him; Ash needed to take a piss, and badly.

He got to his feet and walked past their still forms, refusing to even glance at them. He barely remembered what had happened that morning but Ash suspected that he had behaved in an abnormal manner. That stupid fever had weakened his already fragile mask of sanity. He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to look Dawn in the eye after the night had passed. He shivered as he found the perfect spot in a clump of bushes by the stream; he couldn't bear to face _him_ either.

'His name is Gary,' he told himself mentally. 'You can say it. It's just a name.'

But no matter how much his rational side told him so, Ash couldn't believe it.

He yanked his jeans up roughly by the belt loops once he had relieved himself. His hazel eyes wandered down to stare at his hand, which was still wrapped in bandages. He brought his hand closer to his face and peered at in the dim light; the cloth was white, which either meant his hand had stopped bleeding or someone had changed it for him while he was unconscious. Warmth floated somewhere behind his bellybutton when he imagined who had held his hand so tenderly, but just as suddenly as the feeling came, it was replaced by repulsion.

He wouldn't think that way, or he would be even more of a monster.

His stomach complained loudly and Ash dropped himself to the ground. He sat cross legged, picking at a few blades of grass with determination. There was no way that he was going back to the campsite to make food. That would definitely wake Dawn up and she would get mad at him for disrupting her beauty sleep. He had enough problems with her as it was. He dipped his hands into the stream and rinsed them.

The sound of crinkling bushes caused Ash to freeze. He resumed toying with the blades of grass, keeping his movements deliberate. There came more crackling sounds and Ash felt a waterfall roar in his ears. He wasn't alone.

"Who's there?" he said, but his voice was hardly above a whisper. He cleared his parched throat, which he quickly realized was a bad idea. He broke into a coughing fit and buried his face in his elbow. All the while, his mind was filled with thoughts of what Gary would do to him. Would he fuck him savagely, or would he do it slowly to prolong Ash's pain?

"Pika?"

The urge to cough died immediately. Ash's head snapped up and he stared at the yellow mouse. Pikachu peered back at him was cautious amber eyes. He was sitting on his haunches a foot away from Ash, and looked ready to bolt if the wrong move was made.

"Pikachu, what's wrong?" Ash immediately noticed the distance between them and the unnatural, rigid way his friend was sitting. He would have to have been a fool not to; they had been travelling together for years. "Did something happen?"

"Pi," Pikachu squeaked, flicking his ears back.

Mind clear thanks to the fever having broken, Ash remembered that he had basically ignored Pikachu since Gary had shown up. Guilt flooded through him and he reached his arms out towards the electric pokemon. Pikachu shifted slightly away from his outstretched fingers, but caved and allowed Ash to stroke his head.

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

Pikachu responded by bounding towards him and somersaulting into his lap. Ash smiled as he felt the body heat of his friend brush against his legs. He stared up at the night sky and patted Pikachu, the repetitive motion making his mind a pleasant blank. He hoped that some legendary Pokemon would decide to end the world at that moment. Ash could die happy then.

"There you are!"

Ash resisted the overwhelming urge to jump to his feet and run far in the opposite direction. What the hell was Gary doing awake at this hour? He lowered his eyes and put all of his willpower into petting Pikachu. He would not lose to the person who had betrayed him. He would not satisfy Gary's sick mind by revealing the fear that festered in his heart.

Footsteps approached and Pikachu gave a chirp of greeting. Ash seethed inwardly. What the hell? Since when had Pikachu become friends with _him_? Ash had always thought that Pikachu was devoted to him alone. It might have been a conceited thought, but it had always proven to be true, as with Dawn, for instance. Pikachu refused to let the girl touch him under any circumstance, even though she was always kind to him.

"I hope you're feeling better," Gary said. "You've slept the whole day away."

Ash saw the boy's legs, clothed in dark denim, from the corner of his eye. He tensed and didn't say anything. Even if he had wanted to, Ash wasn't sure that his tongue would cooperate with him. The omnipotent terror tangled it into a useless mess, plus his throat was—

"You must be thirsty."

Ash blinked and déjà vu washed over him. Back when they were kids, Gary had always known whether Ash was hungry or thirsty. They had been so close that they could finish each other's sentences and sense each other's thoughts. They had been two halves of the perfect circle. Until that day when Ash realized he hadn't known his best friend at all.

Gary settled down beside him and Ash slowly turned to look at him. It was as if the tall boy sitting next to him were a magnet. He saw the profile of a sculpted face that was pale in the moonlight, he saw the thin elegant nose, he saw strands of auburn hair falling into jade eyes. As Gary looked back at him, Ash wondered what his old friend, now enemy, saw in him.

There eyes met for a moment that seemed to linger on for eternity, before Ash darted his gaze away. Heat flooded his cheeks and he was glad for the protection of the night. Despite the worry that was gnawing at his bones, Ash felt a tiny flame light up in his heart. Gary looked just the same as he always had, albeit older. He could almost pretend that things were just like they used to be.

"Here." Gary held out a can of soda, which Ash stared at dumbly. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but I swear it's not poisoned."

Pikachu snorted and Ash snatched the drink out of the older boy's hands, being careful to avoid an "accidental" brush of fingers. He wasn't sure if that would bring pleasure or disgust and he definitely didn't want to find out. It was hard enough for him already, being in such a close proximity to the one who had violated him.

Gary sighed. "You could say thanks."

Ash eagerly opened the drink and took long swigs. The pleasant sweetness filled his mouth and trickled down his throat in fizzy rivers. Ash drank without stopping, not caring about the soda that trickled down the corners of his mouth. The can was soon empty and Ash pulled it away from his lips. He let out a burp and Gary laughed.

"That's real classy."

Ash whipped the can at him. "Shut up!"

"Nice aim." Gary snickered as the can flew into the stream with a splash. "You throw like a girl, you know that?"

Ash opened his mouth to retort but quickly shut it when he realized what was happening. He was talking to Gary as it everything was all right between them. Ash was acting as if the thing from five years ago had never taken place. Ash was showing Gary that he _accepted _being treated in such a hideous manner.

He took a deep breath and made a move to get up. But Pikachu shot him a death glare, as if to say "I'm staying in your lap and you better stay seated or else!" Ash wanted to push Pikachu away but didn't want to alienate the Pokemon even more, so he remained glued to his spot on the ground. Gary would leave soon, right?

"What's the matter? You look terrified," Gary tilted his head as he observed Ash's face. "I know you don't like me, but—"

"Of course I don't like you," Ash retorted, fury smothering his fear. "I'm not fucking _happy_ about what happened!"

"_What_ happened?"

The flood of shame washed Ash's newfound bravado away and he squeezed his eyes shut. Why did the memory hurt so much now? The pain had grown into numbness after five years, but Gary being next to him brought all the old emotions back, fresh as the exact moment of when it happened. Or maybe it was because Gary denied it. Was what had happened between them so insignificant that Gary felt no need to use up brain power to store it in his memory?

"Fuck this," Gary snapped.

Ash felt a hand snake around shoulders and pull him close, and his heart skipped a beat. He barely registered what was happening. He opened his eyes and saw a violet shirt. Strong arms were wrapped around his waist, Pikachu sandwiched between the two of them on Ash's lap, but he was so surprised that he didn't make any sound of protest.

Ash breathed in the scent of Gary's shirt and was surprised to find that he smelled...good. He didn't have the little boy scent of dirt and unexplainable things anymore. He smelled fresh and clean, as if he always washed his shirt with flowers or something. Ash was dully aware of the panic, he was aware of the fact that he would probably regret this, but he didn't pull away.

Instead, Ash let himself be held by the boy who had stolen his innocence and ruined his life.

"I don't know you, Ash," Gary whispered fiercely into the younger boy's raven hair, "I swear I don't. So please don't make that face around me, as if you expect me to torture you or something. I haven't done anything to you! I _won't _do anything to you!"

He tried to hold his tears back, but couldn't. Ash wept into Gary's chest like a baby, crying for the first time in five years. Once the salty liquid seeped out, it wouldn't stop. Gary continued to hold him close and whisper soothing things, which only made Ash cry harder. He didn't know what to believe anymore. What Gary said sounded undeniably true, but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. They had been friends for ten years, not ten days. You couldn't just forget a person like that, you just couldn't. Gary had to be lying to him, just so he could regain Ash's trust to betray him all over again. That's what Ash's mind tried to convince him, but his heart rebelled. The strange feelings that were coursing through him refused to believe that this Gary, who held Ash so gently, could be possible of such cruelty.

Ash's tears finally dried up and he released Gary; he hadn't realized that he had been gripping him so tightly in his crying fit.

"I'm sorry," Ash stood up and couldn't bear to look at him.

"It's okay. Hey," Gary scrambled to his feet and held Ash by the shoulders. "Don't be embarrassed. Men do cry you know. You're not a wuss or anything. Besides, you look like you really needed to get that all out."

Ash shrugged the warm hands off his shoulders reluctantly. "Whatever. I, well," his mind searched for an excuse, "my mom's sick and I've just been kind of—"

Gary held up a hand. "Say no more. I understand."

Face bright red, Ash turned to see Pikachu sitting at his feet. Sometime during Ash's breakdown, Pikachu had been forced out of his spot in Ash's lap.

"Pikachu, I'm sorry. Again."

Pikachu hopped up onto Ash's shoulder and nuzzled against his face. Ash suddenly realized that he felt better. Not back to normal, necessarily, but better. It was true what they said about crying relieving stress. He caught Gary watching him and gave him a brief smile

"Thanks."

"Ash?" Gary bit his lip. "Why do you think that I did something to you?"

"Are you gonna be staying with me and Dawn?" Ash asked.

Gary followed Ash's lead and dropped the subject. "Yeah. I hope you don't mind. I usually travel on my own, but Dawn said that you guys could use my cooking skills. I'm sure your friend Brock was more talented in that department, but I'm not afraid to take him on!"

"I don't mind," Ash managed to reply, albeit in a shaky voice. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that Gary would be travelling with him for who knew how long. More to the point, he couldn't believe that he wanted him to. Even after everything Gary had done to him, Ash was still an idiot who couldn't learn from his past.

"Great." Gary smiled at him. "Let's hit the hay! I hope you can even manage to fall asleep, since you've been dead to the world all day."

Ash hated the way his heart jerked crazily at the sight of that grin. But then again, Ash knew that this whole situation was unbelievable. Either Gary was lying about not knowing who he was, or Ash was even more insane than he could ever imagine. Ash was afraid of what would happen between them; he knew it couldn't possibly end well. But that little flame of hope had been ignited and he couldn't put it out.

* * *

**A/N: I thought I could update like once a week, but that's impossible with the way *cough*hell*cough* school has been lately. xD Nonetheless, I shall do my best to continue writing! THANK YOU a thousand times over for all your support and reviews. They mean a lot to me, honestly. I can't believe that this has gotten twenty reviews! *squeal*I hope you continue reading! :3**


	7. Hunger

Dawn was majorly pissed off. It normally took a lot to get the navy haired teen to the point of such intense rage; she usually thought of herself as quite an easygoing girl. But ever since Gary Oak had joined her and Ash, life hadn't been the same.

That wasn't meant in a good way either.

When Ash woke up three days ago, fully healed after his weird sickness, Dawn had noticed one thing and one thing only. The hazel eyed boy hadn't been afraid of Gary in the least. All the screaming, all the insisting that Gary knew him, all the tantrums? Ash had ceased that behaviour. In fact, Ash was acting more normal than he had in weeks. Dawn hated that Gary, this stranger, had taken her place as the one who could help Ash. Dawn wanted to be the one who saved him; if she helped him, maybe he would finally realize that he loved her as much as she loved him. If only Brock was with them instead of shacking up with some random girl he had met online; he would know what to do. Dawn certainly wasn't going to force him to leave the new love of his life. Brock called every day, sometimes twice a day, to gush about how happy he was.

'I'm a jealous bitch,' Dawn thought as she folded up her pyjamas and placed them into her backpack. She sighed as she looped her arms through the straps and leaned against a tree. The air was hot and there was no hint of a breeze. Dawn swiped at her forehead and squinted against the glare of the sun.

Where the hell were they? Ash and Gary had said that they were going to the bathroom, which was only a short walk away into the woods they had been camping by for the past little while. Dawn had wanted to resume their journey as soon as possible, but Gary insisted that Ash needed some time to recuperate after his illness.

Dawn shifted her shoulders, trying to prevent the straps of her bag from biting into them. All the while, the sun pounded down onto her head. She was about to scream in frustration when she heard laughter. She pulled away from the tree and ran her fingers through her hair. Ash and Gary appeared side by side, immersed in conversation.

"Hey, guys," she said, fighting to keep her tone light. "You sure took a while."

They both blinked and looked up at her.

Gary spoke up first. "Sorry about that. Ash had to do...y'know. Number two."

"Shut up!" Ash snapped. "Y_ou _had to."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "I really don't want to hear about it. Let's just go. I'm sick of these stupid woods." She pointed at the trail leading out of the clearing. "Onwards to civilization!"

The trio started down the trail, Dawn leading the way. She bit the inside of her cheek as her feet hit the dusty ground. There was enough room for all of them to walk down the road together, but Ash and Gary seemed to naturally fall into a pattern of walking with each other behind her. Was this some male bonding thing she didn't know about? When Brock was with them, it hadn't been like this. Dawn had been treated as an equal. She had never been pushed out of the group. In fact, the only one who didn't seem to enjoy her company was Pikachu. But that was only because the crazy electric mouse was infatuated with his trainer.

'You're being crazy,' she scolded herself. 'The heat's getting to you.'

"Dawn?"

She continued walking, but felt her heart lift a little. "What, Ash?"

"Where are we going?"

"I don't know. Whatever city's nearest." She turned and looked back at him. "Do you have the Pokenav?"

There was a long pause.

"Well, I—"

Dawn stopped in her tracks and spun around. "You lost it?" She placed her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Could you be more of an idiot? I just gave it to you like, a day ago. Because you said you needed it."

Ash simply stared back at her defiantly. Dawn was slightly taken aback. Since when had Ash had such a fire in his eyes? Usually Ash was a doormat; she could make him do whatever she wanted. Now he was all stubborn?

Gary pushed between them and Dawn caught a whiff of his scent. He still smelled of the pine trees and berries of the forest. Dawn felt her cheeks flame up as she practically jumped out of his way. Damn, she hated how hot guys got under her skin.

"Ash, it was irresponsible of you to lose it," Gary admonished the younger boy, whose stubborn expression vanished immediately.

"I know," he said, sounding meek. "I don't usually lose stuff though. You know tha—I mean, you can probably tell."

Dawn narrowed her eyes. What the _hell_?

Gary grabbed Ash and playfully ruffled his hair. "I hope so, kid. If you turn out to be an idiot, than I'm a crappy judge of character."

"So what do we do now?" Dawn demanded, hating the way Ash stared up at Gary, as if the auburn haired boy was a god or something. "That was an essential item."

"But seriously. You guys only had one Pokenav?" Gary smirked. "That's real clever."

"Well, last time I checked, you don't have one at all!" Dawn retorted, shooting him a triumphant look.

Gary's grin widened. "True." He looked down at Ash, who averted his eyes and pinned them to Pikachu, who was patiently waiting by his feet. "But as Ash here can tell you, I don't need one."

Dawn gazed at the two of them in exasperation. "Oh, so all those times you guys went off in the woods were when you proved your awesome navigation skills?" She kicked at the dusty earth and felt satisfied when a clump of dirt hit Gary's legs. "Sorry about that."

"What are you talking about?" Ash jerked his head up and stared at Dawn. "We never went to the woods. We always hung out at camp with you."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "Really? Huh. Funny how I remember you guys ditching me, then."

"Aw, Dawn." Gary tapped her shoulder. "If you were feeling lonely, you should've said something. I mean, all Ash and I ever talk about is sex, so we weren't sure if you—"

Dawn clapped her hands over her ears and turned back around. "Okay, that's more than enough info. Gary, you tell us where to go." She couldn't help from smiling as they both walked up and stood on either side of her so that she was between them. That was more like it.

* * *

"Well, this is it!" Gary declared. "Hearthome City."

"Awesome!" Dawn smiled at him when the city came into view. "I guess you really do have a map in your head."

"What are we doing here again?" Gary asked.

Dawn giggled. "Well, you see, the shopping here is seriously the best—"

Ash struggled to pay attention to what Dawn was saying, but he remained fixated on the tiny mole above Gary's upper lip. He had noticed it as a child, but hadn't thought much of it. But now, it was like a magnet for his eyes.

"Ash?" Dawn waved a hand in front of his face. "We're here!"

" 'Here' is a Pokemon Center," Gary added, eyes sparkling as he noted the dazed look on Ash's face. "We finally get to eat some real food!"

The automatic doors slid open and the trio were greeted by Nurse Joy, identical to all the others that ran the Pokemon centers in the world. She led them to red vinyl booth, where there was an awkward pause before Dawn managed to nudge Ash into the seat beside her. Gary sat opposite them, resting his chin on one hand.

"What would you guys like?" Nurse Joy asked. "We haven't had many visitors all day, so there's plenty to eat."

Ash stared down at his stomach, which felt funny. He furrowed his brows and continued staring at it. He heard a growl and it dawned on him; he was actually hungry again. He remembered the last couple of weeks where he had hardly eaten anything and cursed himself for being so stupid. Just because he had been feeling so empty emotionally didn't mean he had to keep his stomach empty too, right?

"I'll take one of everything," Ash suddenly blurted, banging his fists on the table with determination.

Dawn gawked at him. "Really?"

Nurse Joy beamed at Ash. "Normally, I would suggest against that, but you look positively famished. It couldn't hurt you to gain some weight."

"Damn straight," Gary agreed.

Ash fiddled with a napkin and glanced at Gary from the corner of his eye. Gary didn't like it that he was skinny? Well, the green eyed boy was buff and tall after all. Ash frowned inwardly. He was so short and thin and, well, girly compared to him. When they were kids, it was only Gary's height that had made him look like more of a man than Ash. Now everything about them was different. Especially the little fact that Gary had _no freaking clue_ who Ash was, which could only mean that Gary had no idea what he had done to Ash all those years ago.

Ash crumpled the napkin in his hand and made a fist. He wasn't supposed to think about that. He had promised himself to not to think about it. If Gary had no idea who he was, that was a good thing. They could start all over again, as if the past had never happened. But that would mean that this Gary, this _new _Gary, didn't feel the same way the old one did.

The old Gary who had kissed Ash when they were kids wasn't sitting with them at the booth now. It wasn't that Ash had liked the kiss, of course he hadn't. A pounding heart didn't only mean excitement, it meant fear too. The...kiss had been weird, and it had strained their relationship. It was just that _this _Gary was a stranger and it made Ash want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep forever.

"Ash?"

Dawn's voice penetrated his thoughts and he snapped back into reality.

"What?"

She nodded towards plates laden with various goods. "Your food is here. Don't eat too much. I don't want you getting sick again."

"I'll be fine," Ash responded, grabbing a sandwich and taking a huge bite.

"Aren't you even curious as to what's in them?" Dawn asked, delicately nibbling at a bagel. "You could be eating like, onions and chocolate. You should check before you shove food into your mouth."

"Onions and chocolate, huh?" Gary looked around the table. "That sounds delicious. Where can I get that combo?"

"Ew!" Dawn whipped a grape at him and it bounced off his shoulder. "Please, Gary. Don't ruin my appetite."

"Ash doesn't seem to mind."

They stared at Ash, who was devouring everything on the table within his reach. He didn't even notice their eyes on him, he just kept on eating.

"Brock must not have been the best cook after all, huh." Gary stared at his new friend. "He looks as if he hasn't eaten in years. No offense, Ash." The aforementioned boy didn't respond.

"Shut up, Gary. Brock was an amazing cook. It's just that Ash has like, a small appetite or something," Dawn replied. "Had," she corrected, eyes widening as Ash reached towards her plate. "Back off, Ash! I need to eat too."

Gary pushed his plate towards Ash. "Here you go. I think you need it more than I do."

"Thanks," Ash murmured, a shudder running though his body when Gary's hand brushed his. Damn it, even now, that odd mixture of pleasure and agony...

* * *

"Are you guys sure you don't want to come?" Dawn asked. "Hearthome Department store is the best, I'm telling you!"

Ash gave a low moan and gripped at his stomach.

"I think Ash needs to lie down," Gary said, holding him around the shoulders.

Dawn seethed with jealousy but managed to shove the emotion into the back of her mind. Other people could touch Ash. She didn't own him or anything. But still, she couldn't help the way she felt. She wanted to be with Ash and—

"Pika."

Dawn put a forced smile on her face. "What, Pikachu?"

The yellow creature tilted his head to one side and observed her. "Pi."

Dawn was pretty sure the pokemon had just sworn at her, called her a bitch or something, but she wouldn't let him get the upper hand.

"That's great, Pikachu! I'm so...thrilled that you, uh," Dawn fumbled, wishing that she were fluent in the language of pokemon. How was it fair that pokemon understood English but not vice versa? It was a cruel and unusual punishment.

"He wants to go with you," Ash said feebly. "Shopping, I mean. Damn!" He doubled over and gave a grunt of pain.

"No way." Dawn crossed her arms. "I am not taking him with me. He'll, like—"she paused, unwilling to finish her sentence. If Ash wasn't around, Pikachu would electrocute her or do something even worse.

"C'mon, Dawn." Gary shot Ash a worried look. "We really need to go back to the Pokemon center. You'll find us there. We're staying the night, remember?"

"Fine." Dawn sighed. "I'll see you guys later. Let's go, Pikachu." She walked down the street, Pikachu following exactly one meter behind her with a pleased expression on his face. She turned around to wave them a goodbye, but they had already vanished.

Dawn felt a trickle of sweat slide down her back as she continued walking. This would be an interesting experience.

* * *

Ash hated himself for being so desperate. He had faked being sick just so that he could feel Gary's touch. He had faked being sick so that Gary would show him some affection and hold him like he had done before. The reason why he was pretending he had a stomach ache, or so he tried to convince his conscience, was to let Dawn have some time to shop without having two whining boys tagging along with her.

The truth was that he wanted to be alone with Gary, even if this Gary wasn't _his_ Gary. Ash wanted him so much that it hurt, and it wasn't his stomach that was in pain.

* * *

**A/N: Yay, an update! You get to see most of this from Dawn's perspective. What do you guys think of her? I hope I didn't make her too unlikable, because that wasn't my intent. ._. I know you guys are curious as to why Gary doesn't remember Ash, but you shall find out in due time. Thank you so much for all your reviews! I know I always say that, but I mean it every time. I adore you guys! And what's that I smell? Palletshippy action coming up, perhaps? Stay tuned! ;D **


	8. Lies

Ash watched Dawn go and felt something twitch in his gut. Maybe he did have a stomach ache after all. He shouldn't have scarfed down all that food. But he had been so hungry, and for the first time in ages, food tasted good. But the further Dawn and Pikachu got away from them the more real his stomach pain became. Ash stared down at his stomach, willing it to return to normal. Vomiting in front of Gary—again— wouldn't be a great start to their alone time, a time full of possibilities; anything could happen.

"Can you make it to the Pokemon center?" Gary asked.

Ash stared at the ground; if he met Gary's eyes, he was certain that the lie would be reflected back at him in those brilliant green irises. No one knew Ash better than his best friend did. But this eighteen year old beside him wasn't his best friend, not any more, not for years. This Gary was an imposter. He could never be the real thing. Not with his memories of Ash gone, however that had happened.

To this Gary, Ash was a little kid and nothing else.

Too bad his stupidity kept him from recognizing that.

Ash still wanted him.

"Did you hear me?" Gary's concerned voice made Ash smile. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing." He took a breath and hoped for the best. "Actually, Gary, I think my stomach is starting to hurt less."

"Really?" He didn't look convinced. "You seemed pretty sick when Dawn was here."

"She's part of the problem," Ash muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." Ash forced himself to make eye contact. "I just talk to myself sometimes. You know. Helps to get my thoughts in order."

Gary raised an eyebrow but didn't push it.

"Sure there's no chance of you dying on me?" He nudged Ash with his elbow. "If you pass out while we're walking, I'll have to carry you to the Pokemon center." The expression on Ash's face made him laugh. "Make up your mind now."

"It only hurts a little," Ash said, and that was true.

"All right."

Gary got to his feet and reached out for Ash's hand. Their fingers intertwined and before he knew it Ash was in an upright position. The feeling of warmth as their palms pressed together was the greatest thing he had ever experienced. Gary's warmth was hotter than this summer day.

"You can let go now."

Ash resisted the urge to drop the older boy's hand. If he did that it would be too obvious that something wasn't right. Instead, he squeezed Gary's hand as hard as he could. Gary made a tiny yipping noise and broke free.

"What the hell was that for?"

"I wanted to see how strong you were," Ash heard himself say, but his voice seemed drowned out by the pounding of his heart. "Looks like those muscles don't help you in a surprise attack."

Gary surprised him by laughing. Ash stared at him.

"You're so weird."

With that, Gary reached towards him and caught him in a some complicated wrestling hold. Ash tried to squirm out of his grip, but it was only a half-hearted effort. He could feel Gary's chest pressing into his back. They were touching each other. Even though he shouldn't think of this as anything more than play wrestling, he did.

Gary tightened his hold. "Do you give up yet?"

"Hell no!"

"I have many hidden talents," Gary murmured, lips grazing Ash's ear. "Prepare yourself."

A small, needy noise escaped Ash before he could help it, and he leaned back into Gary, desperately wanting to get closer. He didn't care about the fact that they were in a public square. He didn't care about anything other than having Gary as close to him as possible. But his behaviour had the opposite effect. Gary's arms slackened and released him from the chokehold. He turned to see Gary staring at him, his expression unreadable.

Ash searched for an answer but his brain had shut down.

People walked by in laughing groups, not noticing the two teens facing each other awkwardly. The sun pounded down on Ash's head like a sledgehammer. He looked away from Gary, taking his hat off in the process. Sweat dampened his hair.

Everything was messed up now.

Ash waited for Gary to say something, to punch him in the face, to call him a disgusting pervert. Anything would be better than this silence. He could hear a clock ticking and knew for a fact that there were no clocks around. His stomach throbbed dully; each tiny flicker of pain reminded him that he was filthy. Who the hell else would get turned on by their _rapist_? Only a sick person like himself, Ash fucking Ketchum.

"I'm sorry."

The voice was so quiet that Ash almost didn't catch the words. Startled, he glanced up to see Gary watching him with that same expressionless face. Had Gary just apologized to him? This was all wrong, so very wrong.

"For what?" Ash managed to ask, throat tight.

Gary gave him a half-smile. "Wrestling in this heat wasn't a very good idea. I think I broke something inside of you. Squished you too hard." He flexed his arm. "Haven't goofed off with a friend in a while. Guess I forgot my own strength."

It was Ash's turn to stare. Gary thought that...that...pornographic sound had been one of pain? He couldn't, could he? Maybe an idiot would believe that, or a small kid who had no exposure beyond toys and playgrounds. Gary was an adult, practically. There must have been a time when he had fooled around with girls and heard all sorts of noises. Thinking about Gary with anyone else sharpened the pain in his gut. And then there was the whole issue of Ash trying to grind against him. But Gary didn't seem disturbed. His eyes were clear, a smile still on his face.

Maybe miracles did happen after all. He knew better than to question it.

"Yeah, I'll know better than to challenge you next time," Ash played along.

Gary stood before him. "Good."

Then he reached out and ruffled Ash's hair.

"Hey!" He accidentally bumped into a slim blonde girl in his attempt to evade Gary. "Oh, sorry. My friend's bugging me."

"That's okay," the girl chirped. "Have a nice day!"

"Hey, Ashy boy, you blushing?" Gary smirked after the girl was out of range. "She was pretty cute. Go ask for her number."

"What? No!"

Ash slammed his hat back onto his head and began walking in a random direction. Gary chuckled behind him, and suddenly the sun didn't feel like it was burning him anymore. His cheeks _were_ red, he knew that much, but it wasn't because of some random girl. Gary's hand on his head were all it took to make that annoying physiological event happen.

"Where are you going?"

"Over there."

"Yeah, that doesn't really help," Gary said, coming up to Ash's side. "Hey, how long does one of Dawn's grand shopping escapades take?"

"She'd go for days if she could." Ash tried to sound nonchalant. "Why?"

"Let's go to the water park. I need to cool down before I lose my mind."

"Hearthome doesn't have a water park," Ash scoffed.

"Really?"

Ash followed Gary's pointed finger to a sign that said exactly that. He could smell chlorine in the air, and squeals emerged from somewhere a short distance off. The thought of floating in a pool, of getting rid of the sweat, became very appealing.

Ash nearly ran for the ticket booth but Gary caught him by the arm.

"Hold up."

"Let go, I'm going to die of heatstroke!"

"Read the fine print. _Proper swimming attire is mandatory_." Gary's eyes twinkled. "Unless we want to get kicked out for swimming as nature intended, we'll have to buy some swim trunks."

"Boxers are the same thing."

"Really?" Gary mock widened his eyes. "I pegged you as briefs man myself."

Ash scowled at him, feeling his cheeks growing dangerously warm. "You think about the kind of underwear I—"

"As if."

"Then why would you—"

"That store looks like it has what we need." Gary nodded at a store with mannequins modelling bathing suits in the display window. "Let's go."

Ash followed him, confusion swirling through his veins. That little exchange had been weird. Gary had never said anything like that to him before. It seemed like he had been joking, but the fact that he had cut him off...

"Pika pi!"

"What are you two going here?"

They had ended up in the same store where Dawn and Pikachu happened to be.

Disappointment felt like a slap in his face.

Great.

Ash thought he saw Gary's shoulders tense but when he blinked Gary had his usual relaxed stance. Dawn grinned at them, hands on her hips. She was wearing a red two piece that revealed much more than it covered. He averted his gaze hastily and found Pikachu staring at him, dressed in a mini sailor outfit with a red tie.

"What the hell happened to you, Pikachu?"

The pokemon had never been caught dead in costumes before. Maybe if Ash had requested it, Pikachu would have obliged, but for him to allow Dawn to dress him up...Dawn coughed once and Ash looked up, his gaze freezing somewhere around her chest area. Instead of kicking him in the balls like a normal girl would have, she winked.

"My face is up here." Dawn giggled. "At least Gary's a gentleman."

Gary shrugged. "Ash needs to learn a few things."

"Shut up," Ash protested. "I don't...I don't care about that!"

"That's good, Ashy-boy."

Ash looked at Gary, expecting to see his usual smirk, but Gary was inspecting a pair of black swim trunks. Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to see Dawn grinning at him. He backed up, alarmed at the manic look on her face.

"Wanna see something super awesome?"

Before Ash could say that he most certainly did not—if Dawn taking her top off had anything to do with this he'd die— she reached down and scooped Pikachu in her arms. Instead of sinking his fangs into her hand, he remained calm.

"He let you pick him up?" Ash blurted in amazement.

Dawn grin widened. "We're friends now, aren't we?"

"Pi," Pikachu agreed, nuzzling Dawn's chin.

"Aren't you going to unleash thunderbolt?"

Pikachu stared at Ash as if he were the biggest Moron in Sinnoh. Ash sighed. Well, it was to be expected. Pikachu was male, and Dawn had rather big tits. The two went hand in hand as far as friendship was concerned. Unless, of course, you weren't interested in the female physique. He snuck a look at Gary, who had the same pair of shorts under examination.

Gary looked at him suddenly and Ash immediately looked away.

Damn, Gary could catch a person off-guard with how good looking he was.

"Wait a second," Dawn's tone was suspicious, "I thought you had a stomach ache, Ash. Shouldn't you be under the care of Nurse Joy?"

Ash shot a pleading look at Gary. "I...felt better?"

Her eyes narrowed. "How nice for you." She took a step towards him. "But really, Ash, you shouldn't go swimming on such a full stomach." Another step. "Maybe you and Gary want to hang out by yourselves but at least tell me about it!"

"Dawn?"

They both looked at Gary, who was holding up a gold laminated bikini.

"I think you'd look really hot in this."

"Really?" She bit her lip. "I think I gained some weight."

"It'll be perfect. Try it on."

Dawn's rage had stopped in its tracks just like that. Ash sighed as she practically skipped to where Gary held the microscopic pieces of cloth out to her. Thank god that one of them knew how to stop a girl from going Aipom shit.

They locked eyes over Dawn's head and Gary winked at him.

Ash's body dipped a few degrees before rising again, most of the heat going to his face. Okay, so maybe winking wasn't so stupid. At least, not when Gary did it. But as he watched Dawn flirt with Gary, he felt himself falling apart.

Gary flirted right back. Maybe he was naturally flirtatious; it seemed hard not to be an expert in the art when you had fangirls left and right. But if this had been his Gary from five years back, the one who had kissed him, Ash was sure that they'd only have eyes for each other. He would do anything to make Gary remember, even if it meant that awful night resurfacing. But he didn't know how. Things like that were impossible anyway.

Things between them would never be the way he wanted.

That was good, because wanting something from Gary, wanting Gary to be his, was just masochistic. There had to be some reason why Gary had betrayed him. If that kiss had meant anything at all when they were kids Gary wouldn't have proceeded to hurt him.

Gary from the past ruined him; Gary in the present didn't know him.

Ash had nothing.

**A/N****: Yeah, it's been what, a year? Since I've updated this story. Such a long hiatus means that I'm not the same person I was when I wrote this. My style has changed, my ideas on **_**Because Of You **_**have changed...if this seems like a chapter of a completely different story, well, that's why. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do my original idea justice. O_o Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed/faved throughout the year! You guys make me happy to be back on . :] Hopefully I won't go AWOL this time (I forgot my email address for this account which was why I couldn't log in. Yeah, I'm an idiot!)**


	9. Anticipation

He had never been to a water park before. As Gary scanned the surrounding area, he felt that he had missed out on something big. Back in Pallet Town there hadn't been much to do besides dream of the day when you could finally start your journey to be a Pokemon Master. Here it was different. Children swum in the main pool, some with the aid of their pokemon—Squirtle seemed to be popular—and others on their own. Squeals and laughter echoed throughout the place. The slides seemed to sparkle beneath the sun; he really wanted to try them out, but he felt a little nervous.

Gary almost smiled. He had experienced so much in his years of travelling; waterslides should be last on his list of frightening things.

"Earth to Gary!"

He blinked as Dawn snapped her fingers in front of his face. Ash stood off to the side, looking a little uncomfortable in his black shorts. They had both chosen the same pair. It was more coincidence than anything else. The store had millions of different swimsuits for girls, but the guy section had either wildly outrageous prints or Speedos.

Gary wasn't shy, but he preferred not to have his balls on show for the world to see.

Ash had obviously followed his choice in trunks. The poor kid, he was so—

"God!" Dawn turned to Ash. "Look, now you've gotten Gary going into your weird trances. This is ridiculous. When you guys know how to treat a girl, come find me." She poked Ash in his bare chest and he flinched. "I'm taking Pikachu."

With that, she scooped up the electric mouse pokemon and sashayed off. Gary watched her hips swing, and couldn't help but follow her with his eyes as she marched off. He wasn't the only guy watching her, either. However, Dawn seemed too infuriated to notice all the male attention directed her way.

"I deserve a medal," Gary said.

Ash narrowed his eyes. "For what?"

"Convincing Dawn to buy that gold bikini! I've done all the guys here a huge favour."

"Seeing her ass is my worst nightmare."

Gary punched him in the arm. "Really? She's totally into you."

"Well, I'm not into her." He scowled, rubbing his arm. "She better get a boyfriend soon, or else I'll have to do something about that psycho."

"No complaining, Ashy boy!" Gary grinned down at him. "We're here for fun, not bitching! What do you wanna experience first?"

Ash pointed wordlessly at a big blue monstrosity. It was the largest slide there, from what Gary could tell. Everything else seemed puny in comparison. Shrieks came from its direction, and not all of them sounded full of joy. He swallowed, feeling as if he were baking in an oven.

"Maybe we should just take a dip in the pool first?"

The raven haired boy shook his head. "I want to go there."

"Are you sure?" Gary said as they began walking towards it. "Maybe you should give your stomach some time to settle."

"I feel fine," Ash said. "I told you before."

"But—"

"Don't worry, I'll help you if you can't swim."

Ash looked sideways at him with a small smile, and Gary felt his heart thump once in his chest. What the hell, this again? It had been happening a lot lately. If he didn't know better he would think it was because he thought Ash was cute. Not in a little brother way, but in an _let's try to make him smile more so I can sleep with him_ kind of way.

And that shit was too disturbing for him to wrap his mind around. That's why he tried to ignore the feeling in his chest whenever it cropped up. The last thing he needed was to fool around with a kid. Especially him. Ash had gotten a lot better since they had first met; there had been no more outbursts. But Gary knew that the boy could lose it again if something happened to rub him the wrong way.

He didn't want that. If anything, he wanted Ash to happy; he wanted to be his friend.

And friends didn't make out without consequences.

Then there was that whole matter of Ash claiming that they knew each other. He hadn't brought it up since Gary denied it. He had been telling the truth about not knowing Ash at the time. Or so he thought. As he looked into those hazel eyes now, he couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but they seemed familiar.

That was impossible: there had to have been someone else he had met who resembled Ash. Something like forgetting a person, that creeped him out. To believe what Ash had said before meant that a part of Gary's life had been erased. Coping with that wouldn't be easy at all, so he wouldn't believe it.

Especially if his shared past with Ash made the boy as upset as it had.

This was all crazy thinking anyway. Maybe Dawn was right and Ash was exerting some sort of negative influence over him. Before he had never been this way. Felt this way...

"You're really quiet today," Ash observed as they joined the line.

"Am I?"

"Second place only to Dawn in the chatty department."

Gary laughed. "I really doubt that. Besides, you hardly talk at all so it balances out. I'd have thought that you enjoyed the peace and quiet."

"I like talking to you."

"Only because I don't bring up clothes every other sentence, right?"

"Not only that."

He looked at Ash, exasperated, but the raven haired boy chose not to elaborate.

Gary want to grab him by the shoulders and force answers out of him. Like how they knew each other, for starters. If he had more details that might make it easier to believe. He would have grabbed Ash, too, if he weren't so worried about his mental health. Before when they had been wrestling, Ash had reacted strangely. Ever since then he had been looking at Gary with anxiety in his eyes.

He clenched his fists, feeling the skin on his back tanning beneath the sun's rays.

If no one told him anything he'd never have any answers.

They were now in the pool's receiving area, where people sitting in tubes came flying out of the slide. Some of them wore dazed expressions, while others were grinning from ear to ear. Gary really hoped he'd have a good time. He needed some fun to get all these problems out of him, if only for a while.

"Which tube do you want?" Ash asked.

"What?"

"There's the single one and," Ash hesitated, "the double one."

Gary looked into the pool, and there were indeed single rubber rings and ones that were attached like two fat doughnuts. From what he could tell, the smaller person sat in the front while the bigger person sat behind them to prevent any accidents.

"Double all the way," Gary said.

"Scared?"

"Yeah right!" He gave Ash a friendly shove. "This'll be more fun together."

Gary grabbed a double and began hauling it up the stairs. Ash trailed him slowly, as if this would be the worst thing ever. Gary glanced over his shoulder and saw Ash's downcast face. Well, there went the theory that Ash liked him, even a little.

He shouldn't be feeling this disappointed.

"You can go back and get a single, if you hate the idea so much."

"I don't," Ash said, so quietly Gary had to strain to hear him. "Believe me."

"All right, then there's no problem, is there?"

Ash shook his head, but the doomed look remained. They stood silently until it was their turn to enter the slide's gaping blue mouth. Gary took one look at it and backed up a step. It looked like the gateway to a watery death.

A girl who could've been attractive if she didn't look so bored gestured at them.

"You guys going in or not? There _is_ a line up, you know."

He was about to say that no, he would not be going on the slide today, thank you very much, but a hand landed square in the middle of his back. Before he knew it he had been pushed forward and seated in the tube. Ash sat in the ring in front of him. He seemed tense, but Gary couldn't focus on that right now.

He grabbed Ash around the waist and held on for dear life; Ash's frantic heartbeat barely registered in his panic.

"Have fun," the worker said tonelessly, kicking their double with the heel of her foot.

And then they were slipping down into a tunnel. Gary expected it to be dark inside, but someone had the brilliant idea of putting glow in the dark stickers on the sides and ceiling. His mouth felt dry as they whooshed around curves, but somewhere between the first second of fear and now, he had begun enjoying himself.

Gary whooped, unable to control his sudden excitement. Pokemon battles gave him all he needed adrenaline wise, but something like this was also good. His cheek pressed against the hot flesh of Ash's back, he laughed and laughed as they twirled throughout the slide's intricate design. Sprays of water hit him in the face, and his laughter echoed tinnily. This was excellent.

All too soon they landed in the main pool with a splash. But all didn't go smoothly; when Gary opened his eyes he found that Ash was missing. He looked around before seeing a raven head pop up to the surface with a gasp.

"Good going," Ash muttered, shaking wet bangs out of his eyes.

Gary extracted himself from the tube and waded over to him.

"How is it my fault? The Slide gods didn't want us to both come out on top."

"You let go of me," Ash accused.

"Then I should've been the one to drown," Gary said. "We're supposed to hold onto the handles, not each other."

Ash smiled faintly. "Bad luck's always on my side."

"Don't be like that!" Gary dunked him back underneath the water.

Ash popped up, glaring at him with fierce hazel eyes.

"What the hell?"

"That's better." Gary patted Ash's cheek. "I love your spirit!"

"Oh."

God, Ash was really fucking adorable when he was embarrassed.

They stood in the pool like that—the water barely came up to his chest— his hand on Ash's cheek. Time didn't seem to exist; Gary felt as if this moment had frozen into a snapshot. But the smell of chlorine burned his nostrils, and Ash's cheek nearly scorched his fingers. That was enough to prove this was real, but...

As if in a trance, Gary felt himself lean towards Ash. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but Ash's eyes grew wider and wider, and then...

"Enough of that, you Luvdiscs! Grab your tube and get out!" A lifeguard bellowed through their megaphone.

Ash swum away and was out of the pool before Gary registered the command. It was left to him to take care of the tube, and he did, dragging it out and tossing it onto the deck with a thud. A pair of little girls grabbed it, heading toward the stairs for their turn.

He had no idea what he had been thinking back in the pool.

At Ash's smile, relief flooded through him.

That little exchange between them hadn't been anything weird, after all. If Ash was freaked out, he didn't show it. And the kid seemed to have no problem expressing himself. In fact, he seemed happier than he had been before. Gary sighed, wiping water away from his eyes with a forearm.

Everything would be easier if he knew what was fact and what was fiction.

"That was fun," Gary said.

"Would've been better if I hadn't gotten dunked."

"Go by yourself next time, then," Gary teased. "Then it'll be your fault!"

"Whatever." Ash stretched his arms over his head. "I'm starving."

"Seriously?"

"Being by water always makes a person hungry," Ash said. "Let's get Miltank shakes! They're your favourite, right?"

Gary stopped shaking the water out of his hair and stared down at Ash.

"I don't remember telling you that."

"You don't remember anything." A cloud drifted over Ash's face. "That's okay."

"I don't think it is." Gary took a breath. "Listen, Ash, I—"

"Don't. If you're faking it, that's okay. If you really don't remember, that's okay too."

"Damn it, you're going to tell me about us. I'll _make _you."

Fear flashed in Ash's eyes for the briefest of moments.

"If you do that I'll never speak to you again."

He smiled immediately after, in an attempt to appear as if her were joking.

But Gary believed every word.

He had never felt so miserable in his life.

Being with Ash obviously wasn't good for him. There was so much tension. The desire to touch, to hold, yet being afraid and pulling away. Dreams and reality blurred together. So many questions swirled around them.

No matter how much he wanted to stay, Gary Oak would have to leave him.

They'd both be better off then.

* * *

**A/N: Yes! I updated again, and not a year later either. ;D Don't know what to say about this chapter, other than it was a bitch to write. But I did it from Gary's perspective, as many of you wanted. However, the answer to his memory loss is not revealed just yet. Keep reading and reviewing and you'll all find out very soon...thanks so much for sticking with this! **


	10. Complicated

Darkness flickered over Gary's face and it scared Ash.

He hadn't meant for his words to sound so harsh. Gary had taken his warning the wrong way, it seemed. Of course he would still speak to Gary, even if...even if the older boy tried to make him reveal their shared past. But that would take a lot of work on his part; Ash would not blurt out that information so easily. Dawn had certainly tried her very best to make him do that very thing. She had gotten nowhere with it. Ash knew that their relationship would be ruined if Gary remembered what he had done to him that night five years ago.

The person Gary was now would never hurt him.

Wouldn't force him to do anything against his will.

Ash knew that, which is why he wanted to keep his secret.

Even if Gary remembered the good parts of their childhood, their inside jokes, that kiss...none of those things would matter. Nothing could make up for that one night. The betrayal. It was the dark stain on an otherwise bright time of his life.

Now, sitting opposite his best friend, Ash couldn't quite muster up the strength to talk to him.

The happiness of everyone else in the water park burned him.

Gary held the Miltank shake halfway to his lips but didn't drink it. He seemed to stare at a spot behind Ash's head. Ash grabbed his own shake, taking a defiant slurp. Fine, if Gary wanted to play this little game of let's see who'll talk first, he would too.

He took another slurp, drawing out the noise as long as he could.

So what if he was being obnoxious!

Emerald eyes flickered to his face. The thick liquid seemed to solidify in his throat. Ash choked on it, spraying a mouthful of the stuff over the table. Gary jumped to his feet but some blobs of the creamy stuff landed on his chest.

Gary sighed. "Only you could choke on a liquid."

Ash wiped his mouth on his arm. "Mine had chunky bits in it, actually."

"Yeah, that's what cookie dough means, Ash."

"Shut up." Ash shoved the evil drink away. "Lucky we're at a pool so you can clean up."

Gary smirked. "I'm not taking a dip covered in milkshake."

"Then what—"

"Shower, obviously." He nodded at the male restrooms. "Besides, it's getting kind of late."

And it was. The sky was still blue, staying in tune with longer summer days, but the air had definitely taken on a slight chill. More than half of the people in the water park seemed to have vanished in the last five minutes. Ash got to his feet and hurried after Gary, who had begun walking to the restroom. Who knew where Dawn and Pikachu were.

"Why are you following me?"

Ash frowned at Gary's back. "I need to get changed too."

"Going to take a shower?"

"I guess." He blinked. "My skin gets itchy after I've been in the pool too long. Whatever that chemical is, it's really annoying."

Gary smirked at him over his shoulder. "Chlorine?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"You need to read the dictionary more often."

"Like I'd do that! I want to be a Pokemon master, not a nerd!"

"Are you insinuating something, Ash?"

Ash glowered in silence as they entered the rest rooms. The cocky bastard knew that Ash had no idea what that word meant. Gary had always been better than him in every area. Vocabulary was no exception. Everything just came so easily to Gary motherfucking Oak. But, as he watched Gary step into the shower area, muscles rippling in his shoulders, he forgot about all that.

Gary was...his body was really...and they had ridden in the tube together...

He felt his cheeks grow hot as Gary began to shrug out of his shorts.

Why did he have to like him? It made everything so complicated.

If Ash only liked him as a friend, he wouldn't care about how hot Gary looked naked. He definitely wouldn't want to touch him, or kiss him. They could joke around and talk about Pokemon in peace as the hot water washed chlorine off their skin.

But Ash was in love with him and always had been.

And always would be...?

So he simply stood there as Gary tossed the shorts to the side.

God, he had a great ass.

Ash forced himself to look away once Gary reached up and turned the nozzle on. His heart was beating so fast, he thought he might die. What the hell had he been thinking? Of course taking a shower meant getting naked. But he had wanted to see this, even though he tried to deny it. Gary looked at him questioningly. Ash knew that he was supposed to walk forward a few steps and join him in the shower. He said he would, after all. It shouldn't be that hard. They were both guys, they each had dicks. Nothing special to see there. Nothing weird about that...

And then that ugly voice began to speak to him.

The one that tried to plant doubts into his mind about his feelings for Gary.

_He raped you_, the voice said. _And you just accept that?_

_ You'll give him permission to fuck you next time?_

_ Ash Ketchum , you're a disgusting waste of space!_

_ How could you even dare to want—_

Ash pressed his hands to his temples, trying to silence his inner demons. These thoughts had lessened over the past few weeks. After being around Gary again, he had grown desensitized to the fact that the auburn haired boy was a monster. Being in love made him forget, being in love numbed the pain, being in love made him stupid.

The bittersweet taste of horror filled his mouth when he realized he was crying.

Oh, for the love of...!

"Ash?" Gary's concerned voice. "Come in before the chlorine makes you scratch your skin off."

"I can't."

He hoped Gary couldn't hear how badly his voice was shaking.

"Don't be shy. It's just you and me. No one else is here."

When he put it that way, so casually, it sounded easy enough.

And it also sounded like he didn't think of Ash as anything more than a little kid.

That was good. Maybe Ash could suppress his need to touch him.

He gritted his teeth and pulled off his shorts as quickly as he could. Ash knew that if he hesitated for even a second there was no way that he would be able to do this. So he stepped into the shower and hot water blasted the top of his head.

There. He was naked with Gary. It wasn't so bad.

He raised his face to the faucet and the evidence of his tears were washed away.

But his legs still felt like jelly.

"Feels nice, doesn't it," Gary said over the dull roar of the water. "I'm used to bathing in streams. Nearly froze to death once." He chuckled. "Plus, it's pretty weird having wild Pokemon watching."

"And this is okay?" Ash hadn't meant to say that out loud. "I mean, well, I..."

"Does it bother you?"

The concern in Gary's voice pissed him off. "Why would it?"

"Never thought you'd join me here. Dawn says you're so sensitive and everything. Getting naked with me is a surprise."

"Don't make it sound like _that_!"

"Like what?"

"Forget it." Ash reached for the soap dispenser but Gary caught his hand. "What the hell, let go of..."

Gary managed to manoeuvre him until they were facing one another. He still held Ash's hand. Ash told himself not to look down. Looking at Gary's chest wasn't a big deal, but as for that other part of his body located south...

Too bad that meant he had to look at Gary's face.

Ash knew he was blushing and hated himself for it.

"Tell me," Gary said. "You can't back away now."

"Huh?" It took a second for the information to register. "No, I told you that I won't!"

Was that desperation on Gary's face?

"Please, Ash," Gary said softly. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"I..."

They were too close. Just inches away from each other. They could easily kiss if one of them decided to lean forward ever so slightly. Ash felt a shiver crawl down his spine and Gary's grip tightened on his hand. Oh no, he couldn't breath...he only got like this before the flashbacks started...he needed to get a hold of himself, he wasn't in danger.

But his body screamed at him to run.

All it knew was that Gary was the enemy, and that it was in a situation that mirrored the event from five years ago.

He forced himself to inhale. "Trust me, it _is_ that bad."

"Maybe if you let me know I could do something to help!"

"You can't."

"It's not fair, Ash. If I'm a part of your past, you need to tell me about it."

Ash tore himself away from Gary with a strength he didn't know he had.

"_It's not fair_?" he repeated. "You know what's _not fair_, Gary? What happened to me when I was a _kid_." He smiled bitterly. "But I'm trying to deal with it, and you're not making that easy for me!"

"Did someone hurt you?" Gary asked, and as he spoke, a curious expression appeared on his face. "Did...did _I_...?"

"Stop it!" Ash screamed.

The ugly sound echoed through the room, bouncing off the walls. It even drowned out the noise from the showerheads for a moment. Gary stared at him, his lips set into a thin line. Breathing heavily, Ash stepped into his shorts and yanked them over his hips roughly. He needed to get out of here. He had said too much.

Fuck, he was such a stupid little bitch.

He tried to march to the locker where his backpack and dry clothes were, but his legs wobbled with every step. God, what had he done? Basically told Gary that his messed up attitude was because of him. Instead of freaking out, he should have calmly said, _No, Gary, you didn't hurt me_, and proceeded to make up a lie about something else.

Then Gary would be satisfied and the topic would never be brought up again.

He tried to yank open the locker a few times before he realized that it was locked.

That was the point of a locker, but still. His escape plans were ruined.

"Fuck," he hissed.

"Looking for this?"

Ash pressed his back flat against the locker door, trying to get as far away from Gary as possible. Gary held the key to the locker in his hand. He had pulled his shorts on, too. Well, maybe Gary wasn't as comfortable about being naked as he first appeared to be. Water from his wet hair dripped down his face.

"Leave me alone," Ash said.

"No."

Ash swallowed. "Just give me the key and go."

"Don't worry, I will." Gary's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Answer me first."

"Not if it's about _that_." Ash attempted to grab the key, but Gary snatched it away just in time. "Come on, I'm tired. Let's talk about it tomorrow, okay?"

"That's impossible."

"Why?"

"You're never going to tell me, are you."

"Please, Gary, you have to understand..."

"I do."

And just like that, Gary leaned towards him.

Their lips brushed together.

Neither of their eyes were closed, so Ash saw his shock reflected back at him.

Gary's lips shifted against his own and Ash couldn't believe that this was happening. He was so scared, and yet...there was a warmth that flooded though him. This felt so good. It felt impossibly good, dream like. The scent of chlorine still clung to Gary and it made Ash lightheaded. He closed his eyes without realizing it. Gary pulled him closer.

Their kiss was hungry, full of wishes, full of...regret?

Ash felt himself melting into Gary's embrace.

And then Gary pulled away.

"I'm sorry." Gary nudged him aside and opened the locker, pulling his stuff out in one quick motion. "That was stupid of me, but I couldn't help it." He reached towards Ash, as if to pat his head, or kiss him again, but stopped himself. "Just...I like you."

Ash couldn't find the words to answer him.

"And Ash?" He smiled, and Ash's heart shrivelled in his chest at how hopeless the boy he loved looked. "If this traumatized you even more, since I'm a guy and all, sorry. But you don't need to worry, because it won't happen again."

Why couldn't he say anything?

This felt like...this felt like...

Gary seemed to be waiting for him to say something but he couldn't.

"See you around. Be strong for me."

Ash watched him go and slid to the ground in disbelief.

He had become numb from head to toe.

Only his lips tingled.

And that's how Dawn found Ash shortly after, his face buried in his knees.

* * *

_A/N: And so, Gary and Ash have a moment just before Gary leaves him. The return of the angst! I hope this chapter was okay, because I'm not sure how it turned out. Let me know what you think! Reviews are the cherry on the Palletshipping cake. ;) If you're reading this, thank you so much! I appreciate it immensely._


	11. Interlude

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dawn asked for the hundredth time.

Ash nodded and continued stroking Pikachu's head. The electric mouse had stuck to him like glue since they had been reunited. The trio had set up a makeshift camp just outside of Hearthome. Dawn had offered Ash food, blankets, even comic books, but he politely refused everything. Ash simply sat against a fallen log, stroking Pikachu with short, repetitive movements.

Dawn knew she shouldn't have bothered asking him again. She wasn't naive enough to believe that he was fine. The boy sitting in front of her didn't look fine at all. He smiled sometimes but his eyes were vacant. Since she had found him hugging his knees in the men's change room, he had barely spoken to her. At first she had thought Ash had gotten sick again, but he told her it wasn't that. One look around the locker room confirmed what the problem was: Gary had disappeared.

Hunched on the bathroom floor, Ash had looked up with her, shivering like he had been sitting beneath a waterfall. Dawn had reached out to touch him; he seemed so vulnerable. But he had cringed away from her hand like a wounded pokemon. Rejected, she clasped her hands behind her back, like a naughty child who had been scolded.

Ash's voice had been so soft when he told her that Gary had left.

Dawn didn't know where Gary had gone. Ash wouldn't say anything more. All she could do was guess what had happened between the two boys. And that could only be one thing: Ash must have driven the older boy off due to one of his fits of craziness. Over the last month Ash had seemed so much better, so much more stable. But Dawn had known all along that Ash was fragile enough to break again. Gary could be rough. Who knows what comment had triggered Ash into sending him away?

"Are _you_ okay?"

Dawn jumped at Ash's voice. "Me?"

"Well." He seemed unable to meet her eyes. "You're still wearing that bikini."

She glanced down at her breasts, concealed by two tiny gold triangles. "So? It's hot out."

"It's almost midnight."

"I'm good. I have a blanket." She hesitated. "About Gary—"

Ash slowly turned to look at her. The grief that shone in his hazel eyes nearly burned her. She lowered her gaze, unable to stand the expression on his face. The look he wore was that of someone who had lost everything they had in the world. But that couldn't be. Before Gary, Ash hadn't been happy, not exactly, but he had managed to cope. Ash had Pikachu. Ash had Pokemon battles. Ash had liked wandering through Sinnoh and seeing new cities. He could still have all of that, even without Gary.

Ash had only known Gary for a few weeks. Dawn preferred not to think about the time Ash claimed that Gary knew him. He had been plagued with nightmares then. But she had been with Ash for almost a year. Obviously, her efforts to help him hadn't been enough. He had rejected her kiss, rejected her flirtations, rejected her help.

She wasn't the person Ash wanted. There was no way she could delude herself any longer.

A conversation she had had with Brock suddenly came to her. It had happened shortly before he left to be with his girlfriend. Dawn had complained about Ash seeming totally uninterested in her. That was back when she had been a selfish fool who believed her good looks would be enough for Ash.

Brock had given her a strange look and said, "He cares you in his own way. But Ash isn't like that. You know that, don't you?" At the time Dawn had taken Brock's words to mean something entirely different.

Brock had known the kind of love Ash desired, even back then.

Dawn bit her lower lip as hard as she could to stop herself from crying. The last thing Ash needed was to see her tears. After seeing Ash smiling with Gary, she had come to realize that he would never act that way around her. No matter what she did, she could never measure up to the green-eyed boy who had come out of nowhere and saved him. Gary had given Ash something she never could. And the thought of that broke her heart.

Still, as much as she hated Gary, she wished he were here. Because Ash needed him. And who was she to stop him from having what he wanted? Even though Ash sometimes treated her as nothing more than a rattata who got in his way, even if he could never return her feelings, she still loved him. His happiness was hers.

"You're crying."

Dawn jerked her head up. "What?"

"You're—" His voice trailed off. "Here, let me."

And then Ash did something she had only dreamed of. He got up and crouched before her. Stretching out a hand, he brushed the tears from her eyes as gently as he could. Dawn's lips trembled as more tears spilled down her cheeks. She hadn't meant to cry. But his kindness wounded her. Before Gary, he would have never behaved so sweetly. Gary had tamed him. She tasted blood in her mouth from where she had bitten her lip. It was salty, it was metallic, it tasted of promises that were never kept.

"I'm being such a girl, aren't I?" She smiled through her tears. "You don't have to—"

Dawn was silenced by his kiss. His lips were as gentle as his hands, but almost immediately, his kisses grew more insistent. She moaned once and tilted her head back as he kissed her deeply. His fingers pressed into her bare back, and their cool tips made her sunburn flare with their iciness. Ash's lips were all she ever wanted.

If Jirachi could grant her one wish, she would wish for Ash to love her. But Jirachi slept for ten thousand years, and she only had the present, only had this moment. Dawn wasn't the girl she had been before. She couldn't believe in fairytales anymore.

Dawn grabbed his hands before he could undo her bikini top. Ash stared at her, a glazed look in his eyes. She had kissed boys before, and that wasn't what lust looked like. She knew she had made the right decision then. It wasn't her body he was after.

Ash had no idea what he was doing.

"Stop," she said.

He continued to stare. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

_Yes_. But she couldn't say that. Not anymore.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. I'm not that easy."

He glanced down at his hands in hers. "You're cold."

"Well, it is midnight." She pushed his chest lightly. "I think we should get some sleep. It's been a long day, hasn't it? Remind me to never visit another water park."

"Dawn—"

She pressed a finger to his lips and stood up. When she knew he wouldn't say another word, she walked over to the campfire and poked at the glowing coals with a stick. The flames leapt and danced. They were so beautiful. The heat made her eyes water, but at least she could feel her limbs again. Not changing out of her bikini hadn't been her best idea. Ash joined her and helped by throwing branches onto the flames.

They worked in silence for a while before she spoke up.

"I'm confused. Did you like it?"

"Like what?"

"Kissing me." She shrugged. "You made it pretty clear that you didn't want me that way."

"I'm sorry."

That was the last thing Dawn had expected him to say. She thought Ash would make a snarky remark or shut down completely. But he was looking at her with a sincerity she had never seen before. She didn't know how to respond. Instead, she focused on building the fire. Pikachu even helped by bringing small twigs. Ash snuck glances at her from time to time, almost as if he wanted to say something, but no words crossed his lips.

Soon they had run out of wood. Pikachu yawned and stretched, headbutting Ash's leg. Ash glanced down at the sleepy pokemon and smiled. Dawn noted that this smile seemed more genuine. Ash had drastically improved from a few hours ago. That was good. She wouldn't have anyone around to help if he passed out. Screw Gary Oak. Maybe he had simply gotten tired of hanging around with them and bailed.

"I thought girls were supposed to taste like strawberries."

Dawn shot him a look. "Who told you that?"

"Just something I heard."

"Yeah, well." She pulled out her sleeping bag. "Don't believe everything you hear."

"You tasted like copper. Were you bleeding?"

"I know I rarely say this, but that's enough about me." Dawn didn't want to discuss the flavours she came in. "Let's talk about something else. What does _he_ taste like?"

Ash stiffened. "I don't know who you're talking about."

"Sure you do. Tall, handsome, glittering green eyes..."

"Don't." He bowed his head. "We weren't like that."

Dawn sat cross-legged on her sleeping bag and studied him. Ash was a bad liar. Or maybe it was his guarded tone that made everything that came out of his mouth seem like a lie. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned Gary, but she was tired of lies. Either he told her the truth, or she would...she would...

Could she leave him?

"Come on, Ash. You obviously want to kiss and tell tonight. So, spill."

"Dawn—"

A sudden madness seized her. "Were you two fucking?"

Ash recoiled as if she had slapped him. She immediately regretted saying that, but it was too late. He withdrew into himself again, enveloping himself like a kakuna, putting up his impenetrable shield. There was no way she could reach him. Dawn bit her lip again and cringed as blood filled her mouth once more. Ash walked to his supplies and began packing without a word. Dawn watched him, her mouth full of pennies.

Of course he hadn't liked kissing her. She must have been the bitterest thing he had ever tasted.

"I'm so sorry, Ash. I wasn't thinking." Her voice grew higher in her fright. "Don't do that. Don't leave me here. There's nowhere for you to go, anyway. At least stay until the morning. Please? I'll do anything. I'll never mention him again."

He hoisted his backpack over his shoulders. "I'll be back."

"You won't."

"I'll be back," he repeated.

She finally knew it was a lie because he looked her in the eye when he said it.

Ash always made eye contact when he lied.

Every single time.

"I'm your friend." She was weeping again. "I've always been there for you."

"I know. You've tried harder than anyone has."

"Then stay with me." Dawn would've run after him, but she was so tired, and dressed in her stupid bikini. "Tell me the truth so I can help you."

Ash smiled suddenly. "Okay. I'll tell you something about me."

Dawn had never seen that smile before. It was dark and hateful, like a scar on his face.

"I never fucked Gary," Ash said matter-of-factly. "He raped me a long time ago, but that's just a little thing. It doesn't matter anymore. Happy now?"

Dawn watched him head into the woods with Pikachu, her head spinning, tasting the blood, blood, blood.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I know I take forever with this. D: I hope it was worth the wait/satisfying! I know many people dislike Dawn, haha. Thank you so much for your patience, whoever's still reading! I'm so grateful. I will finish this even if it kills me! No Gary in this chapter but he'll be back soon...**


	12. Memories

Gary listened to the rain splashing outside. He was lying inside a cave, waiting for the sun to come out. At least that's what he told himself. Sitting up, he adjusted his backpack into a more comfortable pillow, and then rested his head against it. A dull headache throbbed behind his eyes in time to the raindrops. _Splash. Thud. Splash. Thud_. The cave was dark and damp, but there were no zubats. Gary hated the pesky blue bloodsuckers: all they were good for was levelling up his weaker pokemon.

A memory tugged at the corners of his mind, and Gary found himself going back to a simpler time in the past. In elementary school, he and a friend had snuck out during lunch break to go camping. They had slept side by side in sleeping bags, talking through the night about what pokemon would be their first and how they would raise it. His friend had insisted he would get a charmander, because he wanted to be able to fly on charizard and burn all his enemies to a crisp. Gary couldn't remember what he had wanted to pick. That memory was faded into tones of sepia. Most of what he remembered involved his friend's squeaky laugh as they had pelted marshmallows at one another. Gary couldn't remember the boy's face. He wondered if they had been friends for very long, but wasn't sure. His memory had always been shit.

"I ended up with an eevee," Gary said out loud. "Pops always wanted the best for me."

Professor Oak had taken care of him since he was a baby. Gary's parents had died on research exhibition to the Whirl Islands when he was a year old. He didn't think of them much. Sure, when he was a kid, he had envied the classmates whose fathers carried them around on their shoulders. Sure, he wanted delicious food prepared by a mother in an apron. These stereotypes were comforting, but they sickened him at the same time, because he could never have that cozy life. Professor Oak was kind, but left him to his own devices. Gary remembered wandering the tall grass at three years old. He was surprised he hadn't been harmed by any wild pokemon. Everyone always warned children about the dangers of going into the grass unattended, but nothing bad had ever happened to him. He had observed pidgey, caterpie, and other small pokemon in their natural habitats. Even at that young age, he had wondered why people needed to capture pokemon. They had seemed so happy being free.

Gary stared at the cave ceiling, wishing it would stop raining so he could go back outside. The cave was suffocating him. He was used to seeing stars and smelling the fire burning as he prepared his evening meal. His stomach rumbled, reminding him that he had gone without food for a few days. Gary tried to ignore it, as he had done since the day at the water park, but the pain in gut, combined with his headache, was too great. He lurched to his feet and winced as blood pooled back into his lower extremities. He wiggled the toes in one boot, and then the other, before deciding it was safe to walk.

He hoisted his backpack over one shoulder and pulled up the hood of his dark purple windbreaker. Rain pelted his face and he squinted against the wind. The storm had gotten worse. It would be tough navigating through the woods to get to a pokemon centre. He felt kind of stupid, getting charity from people like Nurse Joy, but he had no money. He hadn't battled much since travelling with Dawn and Ash. No wins meant no cash.

He wondered how Ash was, if he would be okay. The taste of Ash's lips still lingered; he had tasted like the miltank shake they had shared. Gary bit his lip hard. _Don't think about him_. That was easier said than done; Gary hadn't felt so strongly about anyone for years. He felt like they knew each other in a way that only best friends did. But he couldn't stay with Ash. The boy was beautiful, but he was so young, and troubled. He flinched if anyone so much as touched him. Gary had tried to understand, but he had pushed the kid too hard, and now everything was ruined. Gary didn't want to go back to those hazel eyes, full of accusation, of rage. Something had happened way back when, but Gary didn't know what it was.

_Gary had been twelve then._

_He opened his eyes. He was lying in a white cot, and his head felt stuffed with mareep wool. He had no idea where he was. He didn't know who he was. All he remembered was the taste of blood in his mouth and the smell of flowers. He struggled to sit up, and a monitor by his side let out a warning beep. He stiffened when he saw someone beside him._

"_You're awake," the man in the lab coat said, eyes red. "How do you feel, Gary?"_

"_Who are you?"_

_The man's smiled slipped. "Your grandfather. Professor Oak. You've been asleep for a while. The nurses said that you might be a little confused when you woke up."_

_Gary tried to place Professor Oak, but his mind was utterly blank. He gripped the sheets and noticed that his hands were bandaged. An IV was stuck in the back of his right hand. He stared at it, fighting the urge to rip it out. His heart whacked against his ribcage. The man said something, but Gary couldn't hear him. A whine buzzed low in his throat, a scream threatening to escape, but he used all his willpower to hold it back._

"_What happened to me?" Gary said._

_A shadow crossed Professor Oak's face. "You were in an accident."_

"_Accident?" The words make Gary feel like puking. "What accident?"_

"_I don't think you're ready to hear—"_

_Gary balled his hands into fists. "Tell me."_

"_Well." Professor Oak took a deep breath. "A week ago, you went to a party. You said you'd stay over with a friend after. But when I called his house the next morning, his mother said you weren't there. We found you in the woods. You weren't responsive, and there were...injuries. Looks like you were attacked by a wild pokemon. It must've used some kind of sleeping spell, or paralysis, on you. Incidents like this are extremely rare."_

_Gary swallowed, his throat aching. "I can't remember."_

"_That's all right. I'm sure you will in time."_

"_I can't remember," Gary repeated. "Where am I?"_

"_We're in Goldenrod. There's the best medical treatment available here. Pallet Town didn't have the facilities to monitor you, so we flew over here. I'm sure Ash misses you, but we had to leave immediately—"_

"_Ash?" _

_The heart monitor let out another warning beep. Gary's mind raced. That name meant something to him, something, but he had no idea what. Professor Oak tried to take his hand, to comfort him, but Gary yanked it away. He felt like his head was going to explode. The monitor was beeping wildly now, and a pretty young woman with pink hair rushed in. Her lips moved but Gary had no idea what she was saying. Who was Ash? Who was he?_

_Then there had been the pain of a needle and sweet darkness. When Gary woke the next time, he remembered his grandfather, but not Ash, not the conversation about the party. Gary never returned to Pallet Town, and he never heard Ash's name mentioned again. _

The Pokemon centre glowed up ahead, a welcoming glow of red of red and white light. Gary hurried towards it and practically ran through the doors as they whooshed open. The centre was packed with people, and Gary felt a slight nervousness in his belly; he was never one for crowds after having travelled alone for so long. But he reminded himself to be cool. He had battled the toughest trainers in the world and captured rare pokemon. He wasn't afraid of anything, except for one boy he was determined to avoid.

"You're soaked!" Nurse Joy exclaimed from behind the counter. "How long were you out in the rain?"

"Not long." Gary flashed a big smile. "Got anything warm to eat? I'm still a growing boy, and I heard this centre makes fabulous food."

She blushed. "We're not the biggest place, but we have a small cafe down the hall."

"Thanks." He handed her his belt of pokeballs. "Could you heal my friends for me? They're probably a little weary."

"Sure." She looked at him curiously. "Wait, aren't you the one who's been battling all those top trainers and winning? They said you had the greenest eyes in all the land." She blushed at her words and added hastily, "That sounded silly. But your eyes are unusual."

"Thank you." He smiled genuinely this time. "And no, not me. I don't battle much."

Gary strode down the hall and into the cafeteria. He scanned the room, automatically looking for the most isolated corner, but there were people everywhere. He finally decided to sit beside a brown haired man who was brushing a vulpix. The guy looked nice enough, with a deep tan that was unusual for the people around these parts.

"Mind if I sit here?" Gary asked.

"Go ahead." The man smiled and his vulpix let out a peep of protest. "Shh, let me brush ya."

"Your vulpix is shining with health," Gary said. "What do you feed her?"

The man nodded at the container of food beside him. "Home made pokeblocks. I don't trust the stuff in the marts. Full of preservatives and all." He wrinkled his nose. "And I can't even mention Iron, carbos, and all that. You can't force pokemon to grow!"

"You're a breeder, then?"

The man smiled. "Yup. I'm Brock. Nice to meet ya."

A shiver went down Gary's spine. "You're not friends with Dawn, are you?"

Brock slapped his hands on the plastic table, causing his vulpix to jump. "I am! I travelled with her for a while, but we split paths. I was visiting my girlfriend. She's a real babe. Wanna see her picture?"

Gary nodded a silent yes, and Brock whipped out his PokeGear. "See, this is her making dinner, us cuddling, us-whoops, that's private." Brock laughed and snapped his device shut. "What's your name, by the way?"

"Gary Oak," he said automatically.

"Gary Oak." Brock repeated, shooting him a quizzical look. "I swear I've heard your name before. If you know Dawn, you must know Ash, right? I think he's mentioned you once or twice. The kid talks in his sleep all the time, at least he did when I was around—hey, what's the matter?"

"I—"

Ash's words echoed in his mind: _"You know what's __not __fair__, Gary? What happened to me when I was a __kid__."_

Gary stood up, hands ice cold, breathing ragged. The pieces of his memory clicked into place with sickening ease after all those years. He remembered the dark haired boy's terrified face, the laughter, the screams...

_I hurt him._

_I hurt him._

_I hurt him._

* * *

**A/N: Back from the dead! Hopefully there's not too many inconsistencies. Thank you for all your reviews, everyone. I LOVE YOU ; _ ;**


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